Speaking of random

Want to know what I miss about my 20’s? Random phone calls at 2:00 a.m. from drunken friends or exs or people of “interest.” Those conversations were ALWAYS fun.

Maybe it was the unexpectedness, or the way you wound up talking about something sort of deep, or really honest, or totally off-the-wall because you were half-asleep and your guard was down, and the drunk ass on the other end was being all sweet and complimentary.

I don’t get those anymore. However I did get a 7:00 a.m. call from my friend Darla a few weeks back. She called (and woke me up) to tell me she didn’t want me calling later and waking HER up because she hadn’t gone to bed yet. But, that was just annoying, so it doesn’t count.

No Love from Oprah

They haven’t called back. I guess I am not hating my life enough to be on Oprah. Fine by me. Who could deal with all the pressure of trying to figure out what to wear anyway? 😉

So, the GOOD news is that all of this self-created drama has given me an idea for a book…sort of a survival guide for women my age who are jumping into this crazy thing called motherhood.

My title would be something like “It Totally Sucks for a While…and all the other things no one tells you. The 30-something woman’s guide to being a first-time mother.”


Oprah called!

A few weeks ago, very late at night, I came upon a future show topic on the Oprah website…the dilemma being “is motherhood boring?” Apparently Oprah caught me at just the right time, because I ranted for several paragraphs about how I KNEW motherhood was boring, listing several reason why I myself was bored with it, blah blah blah…then I hit the submit button, and off my opinions went.

Well, they called this past week…how crazy is that? It sent me into a real tailspin…first, I was pretty excited…then, it was total panic. Could I actually get up on TV, in front of millions and millions of people, and say that being a mom is BORING? I know that it can be, and I know lots of women feel the same way, but could I really be the a*hole that stands up and says it? (I already have a hard enough time fitting in at the MOMs Club!) 🙂

But, I wouldn’t mind tickets to the show….

Chicago rocks

Kelly and I just spent a weekend tearing up Chicago…staying out until 3 a.m., eating, shopping, more partying. Chi-town rocks, especially when you are a new mom out and about for the first time without a baby in tow! The weekend produced two pretty funny stories for the books…I’ll try to give you the Cliff’s Notes version.

On Friday night we were at The Tavern on Rush. We were both REALLY shitty and on the way out the door, when Kelly notices this hot guy sitting in the corner smoking a cigar (fyi…Kelly is single). After she refused to go say hello, I decided to do it for her. So, I let myself around the ropes (oops, it was the VIP section…totally lost on my drunkenness) and sat down at this guy’s table. He seemed pretty amused, introduced himself as Scott and we chatted for a few minutes. The entire time I am thinking “this guy looks so familiar,” but of course could never figure out why. Kelly came over for a few minutes and then the manager spotted us and promptly kicked us out of VIP (how DARE he!). The next morning, I wake up and the first thing that comes to my mind is SCOTT PODSEDNIK. HOLY CRAP! Yes, his team totally SPANKED my team last year in the World Series and I couldn’t even pull that out of the recesses of my mind. Geesh…a totally blown opportunity to rag on a Chicago White Sock. But, now I can brag that I hung out with Scott Podsednik.

Ok, night two, we head to the Red Head Piano Bar. It wasn’t exactly the same kind of scene, but we stayed anyway. We squeeze into the bar next to two guys who say they are from Serbia. (First they asked if we were from Serbia…ha. Yes, I am sure we looked very Serbian to the unknowing eye…me with my red hair and Kelly the blonde…looking nothing alike, and also not looking particularly European or Slavic or whatever.) We chat a little, they buy us a few drinks…all very harmless. Well, once the married guy has several cocktails, his story goes from how wonderful his wife and children are to oh-whoa-is-me. It was basically the married man come-on…he married young, he isn’t dead, blah blah blah. However, his closer was a one-of-a-kind…and I SWEAR on everything I love and own that this man said this to us. You might want to sit down….

“Sometimes you just want to put your thing someplace warm.”