Fall is here!

Yes, it has happened. Today finally feels like fall (or winter – they are pretty much the same here in Texas)…the temp was well below 70 degrees, the leaves on the trees in the back yard are finally turning colors, and the “big story” on the news was that everyone was out buying winter coats. Anyway, I was rounding up the summer stuff for storage and noticed that this little family of lizards has moved into our umbrella. Aren’t they cute?

Don’t worry…I decided to leave it out all winter. I can’t evict them.

And look at the gorgeous sunset we had this evening.

Ok, that’s enough of Mother Nature. More of my usual silliness tomorrow.

P.S. I told my friend Kim that I was going to post this joke to my blog. She spammed me with it today and it actually made me laugh.

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. “My name is Carmen,” she told him.

“That’s a beautiful name,” he said. “Is it a family name?”

“No,” she replied. “I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most – cars and men. What’s your name?”

“Beerboobies,” he said.

“What the F*ck” Wednesday? — Rude driver edition

Today I say “What the F*ck?” to all the rude drivers I have encountered lately. And by rude drivers, I mean the non-wavers. I hate people that don’t wave. I have kindly let you out in front of me, even smiling and giving you the little “oh please, go ahead” wave, and then you just get in front of me with absolutely no acknowledgement. This happens to me all the time and I hate these people. In fact, I might just start being one of those jerks who never lets anyone out or in or whatever. The non-wavers have ruined it for everyone.

I would also like to say “What the F*ck?” to the mean old man who flipped me off on Thanksgiving Day for no reason. I gladly accept blame (and the bird) when I do something wrong, but it was completely without cause. I was going 65 in a 60…in the fast lane…and this man was going about 50 in front of me. Before I even got close to him, he changed lanes. As I passed by, he flipped me off and then he rolled down his window and shot me the bird for as long as I could see him in the rear view mirror. Maybe his ex-wife was a redhead or maybe he was an environmentalist who has a thing against SUVs, but did he really have to pull out the bird on Thanksgiving?

Purse Ho

Recently I purchased myself a fabulous new purse. (I am a bit of a Purse Ho. It’s either purses or cars, and we can’t afford for me to “collect” cars.) Many of my girlfriends have commented on it, but the added bonus has been comments from several men.

On Sunday, after yet another guy complimented my purse (the concession guy at the movies), I started to wonder, what is going on around here? My husband might be able to point out a designer purse, but only if it was covered in their logo and it was hanging in a store owned by the brand. (Ok, he might be able to point it out on the street, but he has endured some serious schooling by being married to me, the Purse Ho.)

So what is up with the Target checkout guy, and the barista at Starbuck’s, and the man behind me at lunch? Are men really this fashion conscious?

Thanks week finale

Today I am thankful for…

1. Laughter. Things that make me laugh almost every day include my daughter, my friends, The Daily Show, and reading other blogs.
2. My family. They are always entertaining, but this year was definitely “turkey and trama” (a saying I am stealing from Stasa, who stole it from someone else). The highlight was my dad using very inappropriate language in front of our 16-month old. He also asked my crazy aunt Cynthia about the highly sensitive subject of spreading her husband’s ashes (he’s been dead for 10 years), which started a little not-so-friendly banter. Dad was really on his game! Luckily Winston (our bulldog) didn’t pee on my aunt’s psycho dog this year…that might have been the final straw.
3. This blog and all the cool people I have met through blogging. It’s only been a few months, but I really enjoy this creative outlet. And reading other blogs is much more fun than watching another episode of Friends.

It’s been a very thankful week, but I am also thankful that it is over and I can go back to being my more bitchy self tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today I am very thankful for…

1. The most important people in my life.

2. Our fur family.

3. This beautiful day, the fabulous meal my husband prepared, our good health, and all the people we care about.

I hope your day was full of all the things that make you thankful.

P.S. I am also very thankful for all the leftover pumpkin pies and the fact that I won’t feel guilty for eating every last morsel.

Wednesday thanks

Today I am thankful for…

1. Free stuff! So far this week, I have received a free piggy bank, a free diet coke and a free Starbuck’s mocha frap (thank you Kroger card for finally paying off).
2. Beautiful weather. As my friend Stasa said, it’s going to be nice living in Houston tomorrow…the weather is perfect!
3. Good friends…here are just a few of them.

This was taken at our tailgating party last Sunday (yes, clearly there had been some drinking before this was taken). I am also thankful that the Texans are at least playing better, even if they are still losing.

What are you thankful for?

Suck it, O.J.

In honor of Thanksgiving, I will be posting things to be thankful for this week.

Today I am thankful for:

1. NO BOOK FOR O.J. — thank you, thank you, thank you! No book, no interview…he can go crawl back under his rock now.
2. TomKat got married. Now my trashy magazines can focus on something more important like Paris Hilton puking onstage in Vegas or what Mathew McConaughey is up to this week.
3. My cousin Doug is safe and will hopefully be returning home from Iraq this January.

What are you thankful for?

Is it me or is it them?

Every few months, my friend Tracie and I pack up the kiddos and head to the Dollar Tree. It’s fun to get out of the house, look at the silly/ridiculous/bizarre items, and of course, buy a few cheap things (I got pregnancy tests for a $1…woohoo!). Last Friday at the DT, we come across this sign. I found it very confusing. Does the manager understand the concept of the dollar store? Am I missing something here? Because last time I checked, everything was a $1, not just the items that are on the “promotion” rack.

So if I am having another moment here, please let me know. Muchas gracias.

No Time to Make a Postcard…

…so I am confessing my deep, dark secret to you instead of Postsecret.com or my husband (who hopefully is not reading my blog today).

Back story: The hubby and I pride ourselves on feeding our daughter quality, healthy foods. We figure she has plenty of time to eat bad stuff later. So we try to buy organic whenever possible, no juice or soft drinks, lots of fruits and veggies, nothing deep fried, and no crap (such as Lean Cuisines with 14.1 percent chicken)…until this week.

Here are the things my daughter has tasted this week.

1. Mocha Frappuccino (She was screaming and pointing at my cup, so finally I got frustrated and let her take a sip….she didn’t like it. Whew.)

2. Sprite (Just one sip…she burped three times)

3. Chocolate chip cookie (The whole thing. She loved it. She licked her fingers and picked the crumbs off her shirt.)

4. Cat food (She got to the bowl before I could catch her. I think she only ate one piece, but she seemed to like it better than the mocha frap.)

So there. I guess I win the Bad Mom of the Week Award. Hooray.