Not stupid enough to visit Orlando

Not that coming to Orlando was stupid, but apparently lots of stupid people visit. And because I found these signs in our condo to be, well, stupid, I think I might be too smart to be here.

First sign: Read the last paragraph.

That’s right. Don’t call 9-1-1 about your broken-down car or to report a litterbug. I wonder how many people did this? It must have been quite a few to warrant a sign!

Next…this sign is hanging in the bathroom.

Of course we have all seen similar signs in bathrooms everywhere, but look at the picture of the toilet. I have no idea how you could flush a CD, but it looks like someone tried…along with a box and what appears to be a computer mouse. And is that a floppy disk? (Do they even make those anymore? And can we just flush outdated technology?)

So, I don’t know who has been visiting Orlando lately, but they are clearly a bunch of dumba**es!

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday (belated) – Let’s talk about poop

Or, let’s not. I know it’s probably my own fault for blogging about Anabella and her fascination with poop, but somehow, I opened a secret door and everyone now wants to talk to me about poop. I’m stranded in Poopy Universe, if you will.

My sister-in-law quit going to her bunko group a few years back because the women (a group she called “the poopy girls”) were always talking about bathroom stuff…their bathroom issues, their husbands’ bathroom issues, their kids’ bathroom issues, etc. At the time, I really didn’t believe that a group of women couldn’t find something else to gab about. But now that I am in Poopy Universe, I totally get it.

It started out slow enough. A good friend with a nickname based on a poopy story (you know who you are!)…fine, that’s funny. No problem. Then Anabella and all her shenanigans. Definitely a problem, but not much I could do about it. Next came all the poopy talk with the moms at Anabella’s school…who is playing with their poopy, who isn’t, etc. And of course the poopy talk with the teachers about potty training.

But the real fun was at the Hummer dealership. I am sitting in the salesman’s office and he is showing me all the goodies that come with the truck. Then he hands me my big owner’s manual and says “this is some good reading for the pooper.”

WTF? Then, I actually find myself gearing up for the explanation that I don’t read in the bathroom…that I am more of a “get in and get out” kind of girl…but I said to myself “the poopy talk stops here!” I don’t want to talk about what I do or don’t do in the bathroom with the dude who sold me a car. That’s just not right. I refuse.

So I am on poopy hiatus…at least for a week or two. And if you find you don’t have anything to say unless you are talking about poop, then here is something for you to “read of the pooper.” Apparently there is a whole “Institute” dedicated to that very activity!

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday – Rain delay

I had an exciting WTF post planned for today, but it was derailed by a last-minute project (yes, I am actually working today) that has me feeling like this at the moment…

I have been sitting at this computer for 13 hours straight (and not surfing the internet or doing anything fun), so I probably LOOK like this too.

Therefore, WTF Wednesday has been postponed until tomorrow, WTF Thursday. And thanks to Roseanna for not only providing the photo, but for dumping this monster project on me in the first place!

Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope everyone got something special, even if you had to buy it for yourself. My hubby isn’t a big fan…he thinks it’s a “Hallmark” day…so I just made it all about Anabella.

So, here is my belated Valentine’s to all of you. Well, all of you who drink anyway. A yummy cocktail recipe perfect for a day that revolves around chocolate.

Chocolate Martini
4 oz. chocolate liqueur
2 oz. vanilla vodka
Splash of Half and Half
Chocolate syrup

Preparation: Mix 4 oz. of chocolate liqueur and 2 oz. of vanilla vodka. Add a splash of Half and Half and shake over ice. Line a martini glass with chocolate syrup. Add mixture.


And a very special Valentine’s photo for No Cool Story. I saw these and immediately thought of you. Then I thought, Super Happy Girl should so sue these people for copyright infringement!

Well, Happy Valentine’s Day anyway.

Mommy brought crack to Sesame Street Live

That’s right. Can you believe? While Anabella watched this…

The hubby and I were mesmerized by this…

I’m all for feeling young and hip (see post from Monday), but can’t you leave the ass-crack jeans at home for Sesame Street?

So anyway…Anabella’s excitement level was on par with me being told that I was going on a date with George Clooney AND Brad Pitt AND Matthew McConaughey. As you can see from this photo…the look that was on her face for the entire two hours.

And while her first love is Elmo, she discovered she has a little thing for Big Bird too. She kept a death grip on her new BB doll for the entire two hours as well.

Scarlett, however, was completely unimpressed!

Q. How do you know that you are closer to 40 than to 30?

A. When you go out on both Friday and Saturday nights, and you can still feel the effects on Monday evening. That’s right. I partied like a rock star this past weekend. Not sure I will ever do that again, but it was fun to feel young-ish again. Did I mention that I didn’t get home until 3:00 a.m.? That seemed like no big deal…until the baby woke up at 7:00 ready to nurse and start the day. (I would like to think the issue is having two little kids, not my age, but who knows.)

So everyone wish KB a very Happy Belated Birthday. Here she is with her “Pimp Cup” at our last stop on Saturday evening.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

How is this a “medium” diet coke? I know I am dating myself here, but I remember when a coke this big was called a BIG GULP. Now, it’s just a medium. I’m almost scared to see what the BIG one looks like. No wonder we are all fat now. WTF, Jack in the Crack? Can’t you make a normal-sized drink?

Speaking of….I saw on TV that 1 in 3 of us is overweight/obese. Does that sound a little high to you? If they are including all the people who need to lose like 5 or 10 pounds, then maybe, but I don’t think 1 in 3 are truly overweight. (I did a random count today while out running errands, and I came up with 1 in 6. )

Can you tell that I have diet on the brain? It’s because I am on my second week of NutriSystems and all I can think about is food and dieting. Oh, and my crazy babysitter informed me that she lost 5 pounds in 4 days by simply reducing her donut intake from ONE DOZEN every morning to “just 3.” And she only ate one sausage biscuit instead of two. And she only drank 3 Dr. Pepper’s. Poor thing must be starving!

So, WTF, Universe? She is 45 and eats like a truckload of teenage boys. I am eating diet crap out of box and nursing a baby, yet she loses more than twice as much weight in half the time. Something is wrong in that equation.

Superbowl Bounty

Look at the goodies we won last night at my friend Kathy’s Superbowl party! The Zima koozie alone will be worth big bucks someday.

We also won a “Hug a Beaver” bumper sticker, but Anabella claimed it for her Cozy Coupe. Maybe it should be changed to “Hug a Nutria” since we don’t have many, if any, beavers around here.