“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

WTF is up with this paint job?

I haven’t been to jail lately (I’ve only been once…in my early 20’s…and it was just a big misunderstanding. ha ha ha), but I am fairly positive that I don’t want my bail bondsman to show up in this to get me out.

One, I think being in jail is serious business and the smiley face doesn’t give me confidence that they are taking my incarceration seriously. And two, I am pretty sure this guy is a pimp…and I don’t want to owe money to a pimp. That can’t be good.


I am going to break my own WTF rule and reopen the poopy discussions. Only because I walked out into my front lawn and saw this recently…

That is a size 9 shoe. WTF kind of bird makes a poop that big? A friggin‘ condor??

(If you desire more poopy talk, go here… http://aintitfunny-rhonda.blogspot.com/2008/02/what-fck-wednesday-belated-lets-talk.html)

I need your help!

My 7th anniversary is coming up next week and I need your help. My husband is one of those guys who has everything. So I decided I should be creative and use the traditional anniversary list. But of course, the seventh anniversary is “wool and copper.” WTF? I have no idea what to get him that would be wool (we live in Houston) or copper (pennies???).

About 500 of you stop by each week, so I know one person has the idea I am looking for! You have until Monday, so think hard and post as many ideas as you like. If I choose your idea, I will send you a $25 gift card.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

Oh, where to start? Let’s see. First, WTF is up with this poor dog? Notice a problem? I didn’t. (WTF is wrong with my sense of observation?)

Hubby: Hey, what’s up with the dog?
Me: What do you mean?
Hubby: He is missing an arm.
Me: Shut up.
Hubby: No, really Rhonda. He only has one arm.
Me: Uh. Well. Ummm. Yeah. I didn’t notice that.
Hubby: (Uncontrollable laughter)

The only thing that makes me feel better is that my father (who brought over the three-legged dog) didn’t notice either. So WTF is up with accidentally leaving an arm off this little guy. It was never there…there is no rip where an arm used to be, so I guess they just forgot?

So yesterday was Earth Day (hooray for you, Earth!) and I received this in the mail from Container Store.

A very nice accordion brochure about buying eco-friendly products and “leaving less behind.” WTF, Container Store? Doesn’t this fancy brochure kind of miss the point? Maybe you should have emailed me this information and saved some paper in honor of Earth Day??!

Finally, WTF is up with this hat? That CAN’T be cooling him off. A nice, sheet metal hat on an 80-degree day!

End of a Hair-a

It’s been many years since I have done more than trim my hair. I decided when I got pregnant with Scarlett that I would grow it as long as possible and then cut it for Locks of Love. Well, Scarlett turned seven months old last week, and my hair was still going strong. So I made an appointment. No big deal, right?

Not exactly. As I got closer and closer to the salon, I started having a panic attack…frantically calling my closest friends for the mental shove I needed. Of course I couldn’t get anyone on the phone, so I sat in the parking lot, not sure I could even go in. (I had no idea I was so attached to my hair! No pun intended.) After several arguments with myself, I finally got a grip and realized the whole point was to help a child who has lost ALL of his or her hair and there I was freaking out about just cutting mine. So I sucked it up, put on my big girl panties, and went inside.

Rhonda before:

One pair of scissors, one cocktail, and 15 minutes later…Rhonda after:

So a 12″ ponytail will be on it’s way to Locks of Love on Monday. If you want to know more about it, visit www.locksoflove.org.

And big kudos to my friend Nam who did the exact same thing last week. She was even excited about her new, sassy haircut, so she gets an extra thumbs up for not being a big cry baby.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

I recently had a few moments of alone time to do a little shopping and found myself thinking “WTF?” at nearly every turn. Just a few examples…

I know trends get recycled, but are we really bringing the “Yo-Yo” back? It wasn’t that great the first time around.

From Old Navy…

All I could think when I saw this lovely, gold metallic number was…”HEY GOLDMEMBER!”

Please tell me if you would wear this. I must know who you are.

And my very favorite…

Bag O’ Undies???? For only $6…what a deal!

Sorry, but I am not buying a Bag O’ anything unless it’s a Bag O’ Cocktails.

How I know I am getting old

  1. I told someone who is 30 that he is a “baby.”
  2. I scolded some teenagers for running in the hall and bumping into my 2-year-old daughter at school. (Although I did say it in a very young, hip way…”Hey Dudes, take it down a notch!)
  3. I chased some elementary school kids down the street after they threw pine cones at my car. When I caught up to them, I threatened to call their parents and the police. (WTF, me?! Don’t be crazy parent-calling lady!!!!)
  4. Some teenagers asked me how old they looked, and the one who I guessed to be the oldest was EXCITED. And I couldn’t remember when I was last excited to look older. And I told them not to try to grow up so fast. (Wha??? Only old people say that!)
  5. I found two pair of shoes I liked in a particular style I wanted…and I bought the pair that was more COMFORTABLE, instead of the ultra-cute pair!

Photo of the Week

These guys moved into our neighborhood recently. The first day Anabella noticed them, she was like “Wow! What’s that?!” I told her “That’s the Presidents.” So now, every day when we drive by she’s all “HI PRESIDENTS!”

So, my main question (besides would you really want to eat dinner looking up close at one of these things??) is why do Washington, Lincoln and FDR have such huge heads compared to Bush, Jefferson and Kennedy?!

Leave me a satisfying answer…it doesn’t have to be truthful…and I will send you a package of fabulous Target parking tickets. (click here for the scoop on them… http://aintitfunny-rhonda.blogspot.com/2006/11/ridiculously-fabulous-purchase-of.html)

Christmas in March, Easter in June…

The holidays never end at our house. Not sure if we just need more holiday cheer than everyone else, or if we are just destined to be “those” people in the neighborhood who leave Christmas lights on the house year-round. Today, I opened up the blinds in my office, and this is what I saw.

An Easter egg still hidden in our yard. So I decided to take a look around and found 2 more. (The good news is that they had packages of mini M&M’s in them, so I had a yummy afternoon snack!)So Easter is starting to feel a little like Christmas 2007, which didn’t end until March 2008.

Because we were home with a new baby and no visitors, I decided to go all out and hang lights on the house. Well, I could never get the guy who put them up come to take them down, and my six-foot ladder just barely got me close enough to rip the lights off the bottom story. Luckily, we had some high-wind days and the clips on the roof started coming down on their own. So when a strand would fall down far enough, I would get the ladder and go rip them down.

That worked fine until it came to the last strand, which was completely unreachable unless you got on the roof. I tried to borrow ladders, to no avail, and finally came up with an idea. Not a brilliant idea, but it worked none the less.

I used duct tape to attach the 20-foot, light-bulb-changing pole to the skimmer pole for the pool…thus making a 30-foot pole. Then I stood in my front yard like a total clown, trying to balance the pole in a manner where I could knock the clips off the gutter on the tippy top of my roof. After about 30 minutes, this ridiculous pole dance finally worked and the strand came down just close enough where I could jump up (because I have about a 2″ vertical jump, this part took about 15 minutes) and yank the strand down. It probably wouldn’t have taken so long if I didn’t have to drop the pole and act all nonchalant every time someone drove by.

And just when I thought Christmas was over, I noticed this while I was out hunting for lost Easter eggs today.

One remaining Christmas light clip. Damn it!