I found this in my husband’s carry-on bag today.
But Rhonda, you are thinking, we already knew your husband was a wino. Yes, this is true, and I am right there with him, but if you look closely, I said I found it in his CARRY-ON BAG. Meaning, he carried it on a PLANE with him.
WTF, TSA? Not only is this very scary, but it makes my 8-ounce bottle of formula (which you confiscated) look pretty non-threatening comparatively, don’t cha think?
Things That Are Cool About Going Back To Work Week – Conclusion
The best thing, so far, about going back to work…the mental challenge? No. Meeting new people? Nah.
It’s having my husband tell me how good I look every morning when I leave. My favorite comment was “Everyone is going to want to DO you!”
Slightly crass, but 1.) I don’t mind crass, and 2.) it makes me feel like I might be on my way to MILF status.
Things That Are Cool About Going Back To Work Week – Day 4
Unlimited, yummy crunchy ice…
And not only does someone else make my lunch every day, but there has been no mac & cheese or Chick-fil-a on the menu this week.
And finally, I’ve lost 3 pounds this week…without dieting. WOOHOO!
I guess they have officially run out of ideas for movies. (Kathy — Don’t get mad at me for bashing it…I know this will be your mostest favorite movie E.V.E.R.)
Bring it on, little dog. I had TWO large coffees today.
Things That Are Cool About Going Back To Work Week – Day 3
Just one elevator ride and 50 paces away from my desk is a…
Starbuck’s! My kryptonite!
So, I guess I will be spending all of my new salary on coffee as I have already visited 4 times in 3 days.
Things That Are Cool About Going Back To Work Week – Day 2
2. Getting a Crackberry! And because IT is slightly inefficient, I haven’t had a computer the last two days, which means plenty of time to PLAY with my new Blackberry.
I took this photo with my iPhone. Who is too cool for school with all her rockin‘ technology?!
Things That Are Cool About Going Back To Work
1. Not only do I get to use the restroom alone and without being screamed at by the 10-month-old hellion who is locked behind the gate, I also get to pick my flush.
“UP for #1” or “DOWN for #2”. Who knew that #1 and #2 were now the official, workplace terminology?!
And the bonus is that I don’t have to teeter unsteadily on one heel to flush with my foot, because the handle is “coated to protect against germs.” Hooray!
I am going to back to work…tomorrow. It’s been three years since I’ve worked full time, and almost eight years since I worked in Corporate America, so I think I might be in for quite a shock.
In addition to my sadness about leaving the girls (and the little company I have built), and not being 100% certain this is the right thing to do, I have also been completely traumatized by shopping for work clothes this past week. You would think getting a whole new “non-mommy” wardrobe would be fun, but I would have enjoyed myself more if I had been dining on glass and sipping antifreeze. But I muddled through and spent all day Friday shopping for shoes, which got my spirits back up.
So, wish me luck. I’m not going to mention the company (unless you can guarantee I will reap fame and wealth like Dooce), but I am very excited about the job (public relations and corporate communications) and it seems like a great place to work.
Here’s hoping I can drag my a** out of bed on time, and that I don’t go road-ragetastic on someone first thing in the morning!
WTF is up with this stupid sign? Are they saying that if you are hip, you will drive around like an idiot until you just happen upon this place?
Everyone else (all the boring, lame people) can read the directions and follow the arrow printed underneath this ridiculous tag line. Or maybe you can go to the website and print out a map. Loser.
Anabella has been talking about monsters a lot lately (but not in an “I’m scared” kind of way), so I have been working very hard to assure her that monsters aren’t something to be afraid of.
However, something has happened in my subconscious, because I am suddenly afraid of everything. The other night I was brushing my teeth and when I looked up into the mirror, I saw Dan and screamed. But since I had a mouth full of toothpaste, it was more of a open-mouthed gargle that sent toothpaste all over the counter and mirror. He thought it was hysterical, but I was all like “WTF?” When did I turn into such a p*ssygirl?
Then tonight, I opened the front door to pull a flyer off the door handle, and a medium-sized spider falls onto the floor. I HATE spiders, so I stepped on him. But when I pulled my foot back, a 100 tiny spiders scattered across the floor. I screamed so loud that the neighbor walking across the street ran over and immediately helped me river dance on all those little guys. (thank goodness for cool, spider-hatin neighbors) The way my heart was racing you would think a boa constrictor just popped out of the closet.
So clearly I need help, because I just walked into the bathroom, turned on the light and let out a shriek so loud that Dan came running from the second floor, opposite side of the house. Here’s the scary monster in the bathroom.
BOO! It’s Dora the Mermaid!