I’ve recently been engaged in a text conversation with an 8th grader. He started texting me last week, and well, he won’t stop. Because he doesn’t believe he has the wrong number. WTF? Oh, and this is on my work phone, which isn’t supposed to be able to receive or send text messages in the first place. Somehow Patrick (my texter) has found a way around that. Guess 8th grade is teaching him something — clearly not spelling, but something.
Here is the transcript so far …
Patrick: Wat up
Patrick: R u going to 8th grade game
Patrick: Hey i will help u with ur hand shake later
Me: You have the wrong number
Patrick: This is patrick how is this the wrog number
Me: You have the wrong person’s number. I am not Kale.
Patrick: Who is this
Patrick: Do you go to this skool mpjh
Me: No. I am a grown up.
Patrick: This kale i know it
Me: The only Kale I know is the vegetable
Patrick: kales a girl
Me: I suggest you find Kale and ask for her correct phone number
Patrick: how old ru
Me: That’s none ya
Me: None ya business
Me: Patrick, I am sure you are a very nice kid, but please quit texting me
Patrick: is this kale?
WTF, Patrick? I thought we already established that I’m not Kale!
Remember how I got the note about Anabella cutting a shoelace? That was important enough for a note home, right? Well guess what ISN’T important enough for a note. My child losing her first tooth.
She just comes home without a tooth.
My baby turned three on Friday! THREE. Once again, I am dumbfounded by how fast time is moving. My days seem long and yet the years seem short. Is that a sign of old age?
Anyway, Scarlett had a bowling party on Saturday and as you can see by this picture, she really likes bowling.
This is my favorite picture of the day. Why is she so happy? Because that person standing behind her is ETHAN, her boyfriend, and I captured this as he walked in the door. It is crazy cute how much she and this little boy like each other.
They were inseparable — they bowled, they ate, they ran around Dave & Buster’s like maniacs, they had cake — it was a perfect birthday.
And when she woke up this morning, the first thing she said to me was “I want to go bowling.”
Seriously. Kindergarten is kicking our family’s collective ass. Between cut shoelaces, parent-teacher conferences (Anabella wasn’t “finishing projects” by day 6), HOMEWORK (OMG, so much homework!), morning meltdowns, evening meltdowns – I want to snatch her out and put her back in our sweet little Mother’s Day Out program.
That is our happy place where things were FUN and you could wear what you wanted and you weren’t expected to be a little academic rock star in 7 days. The only thing keeping me sane is that several people are having similar experiences, not that it makes it better, but at least I know it’s not just us.
I have a picture of me from kindergarten — dressed in a cute green dress, standing next to my BFF Cindy, holding my Banana Splits lunch box, looking oh so happy. WTF happened to THAT kindergarten??
Another Wednesday, another talk about lady crotches.
Guess what sexy style is back, girls? According to Cosmo, and Jessica Alba’s crotch area, the “untamed va-jay-jay!”
I mean, WTF?
Not only do I not care, I don’t want to talk about it, and I certainly do not want to think about untamed va-jay-jays in the checkout line at the grocery store. Isn’t there something better to write about on the front cover of your magazine? This is why I didn’t become a journalist.
P.S. I’m so glad Anabella can’t read yet … I’m not prepared to answer the what-is-an-untamed-va-jay-jay question!