A Story from My Checkered Past

Long gone for me are the days of funny dating tales, but today I was reminded of a particularly funny story from my single days. I was at Target (of course) and my checkout person was named “Marcello”…a name I haven’t come across in a long time.

The last time I met a Marcello was in my early 20’s. He was a very cute Italian guy that hung out in a bar my dad was spending a lot of time in (dad was going through a very nasty mid-life thing). Marcello was funny and charismatic and sexy and my dad hated him, so he was perfect. We spent an entire evening at that dive bar talking, much to the chagrin of my father, and he finally asked me out on a date. I agreed to meet him out the next night and we had a wonderful evening…he was really easy to talk to and he was one of those guys who makes you feel like the center of the universe. So when he asked me out again, I was really excited. (My dad called twice to tell me what a tool Marcello was before our second date.)

He picked me up, we went out to dinner and a movie, and then we went back to my place. I went into the kitchen to make us a drink and Marcello hung his coat on a chair in the dining room. We sat down and started talking. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my cat Eddie is playing with something on the floor. I didn’t give it a second thought until a total look of panic crossed Marcello’s face.

Eddie had pulled a very long strand of condoms out of Marcello’s jacket and into the living room, practically throwing them at my feet. I don’t know how many were there, but it was at least 15 or 20 condoms. How ridiculous is that?

Of course I almost died from laughter, and while Marcello was laughing, I could tell he was really worried about what my next reaction was going to be. I let him know that it wasn’t a big deal, but then after more awkward conversation, I sent him on his way. I mean, geesh, it’s one thing to hope you are getting “lucky,” and then there are preposterous expectations.

So that is how my cat Eddie saved me from Marcello. (But not the Marcello at Target. He still nailed me for $175. HA!)

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