“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

A**hole of the Month Update

I’ve been reading a lot about Michael Vick lately (the only recipient of The B.S. Cafe’s “A**hole of the month” award) … he’s out of jail, wants back into the NFL, blah blah blah. I really don’t care if he goes back to playing football. He did his time and quite frankly, there are probably lots of felons playing professional sports these days, but as an animal lover, I almost lost my sh*t when I saw that the Humane Society is considering Vick as a spokesperson for animal cruelty. http://hsus.typepad.com/wayne/2009/05/michael-vick.html

O.M.G. WTF? He probably regrets what he did … maybe for real or maybe for what it cost him … but I have serious doubts that in the depths of his soul he believes what he did was wrong. (If he didn’t know that drowning, torturing, electrocuting and beating dogs was wrong two years ago, he probably doesn’t get it now.) And I would laugh out loud if you put him in front of me to lecture on animal rights. Or maybe I would just punch you in the face for thinking I would fall for that.

Boulder Warfare
Has anyone else noticed the trend of putting large rocks on corners? Here are a few examples around my neighborhood:

This bothers me for three reasons:

1. What are you trying to protect? The grass? The curb? I’m confused.

2. If for some reason you had to drive up onto the curb to avoid an accident, or a pedestrian, or a small animal, or a person carrying a rock, you would hit that thing and totally FUBAR your car. Not even our Hummer would make it unscathed.

3. The fun in owning a SUV is being able to drive up on curbs, roll over medians, etc. Thanks for killing the joy.

— The B.S. Cafe is currently serving a strong desire to run something over.

Surviving Ike

We’re still here! Things are not really back to normal, but I do have electricity and Internet access, so that’s a good start.

There have been ridiculously long lines for gas…

and groceries…

and even when you get inside, the selection is limited. (Poor Flamin’ Hot Funyuns…no fun even when food is scarce.)

And of course, limited electricity means not much air conditioning, which is very hard to live without in Houston.

As of this morning, 36% of the city still has no electricity. Most of the traffic lights aren’t working, so traffic is a nightmare…and there is debris everywhere…

But we are still here!

More photos soon…

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday — More celebrity crap

Where to start? How about with the A**hole of the Month (officially for July, but I think he might win for August too), Michael Vick. I did a little dance when I heard that Nike and Reebok pulled his endorsements, but the celebration was over fairly quickly when I saw on CNN that he thinks this is a RACE issue. Oh, and that people are coming after him because he is “famous and wealthy.”

WTF, Michael? Are you sure it isn’t because they found like 17 dead dogs buried in your yard, along with the 50+ live dogs you had in cages? I have no idea what it is like to be a minority in America (unless you consider female a minority), and I know that many things that happen in our country are race related, but this particular issue has nothing to do with race. It has to do with being a completely heartless a**hole. If Troy Aikman got busted for this same thing, as much as it would break my heart, I would make him a**hole of the month. So please quit whining and trying to make this about something greater than just YOU being a d*ck, Michael Vick.

Ok, on to Britney Spears. WTF is up with her? I mean, I know she married a complete loser and had two children back to back (which would make any woman crazy), but it seems like she is going to go off the deep end really soon. She’s gone from attacking a car with an umbrella to throwing baby bottles and threatening to kill people. I don’t think she needs rehab, but she could definitely use some medication. Any thoughts?

Finally, OJ Simpson lost the rights to his book (hurray!). At first, I was a little put off by Ron Goldman’s family going after the publishing rights, but then I read that they want to change the name to “Confessions of a Double Murderer.” OJ actually had the nerve to be upset and call them “hypocrites.” WTF, OJ? You owe them $38 million dollars, and it was all fine and dandy when you were going to profit, but now you are mad? Ummm, okay.

Michael Vick — A**hole of the Month

Congrats to Michael Vick. He has inspired me to start a new feature here at The B.S. Cafe entitled “A**hole of the Month.”

In case you haven’t heard, he has been indicted on felony dog fighting charges. Back in April, over 70 dogs were found on his property, and according to the indictment, several of the dogs that didn’t “perform well” were killed by various methods, including hanging, drowning, and slamming at least one dog’s body to the ground.

I could easily rant about how he must be a completely heartless person…or how he has more than enough money to entertain himself, instead of hosting $26,000 grand prize dog fights in his backyard… or how the fact that he called dog fighting a “sport” makes me want to vomit, but I think I will just call him an a**hole and leave it at that.

This is exactly why celebrities and athletes make crappy role models…Michael Vick shouldn’t be held in high regard by anyone. And as my boyfriend Jon Stewart said last night, “I’d like to cover him in liver, and let the dogs see if he is as fast and elusive as they say he is.”

If you want to do something about it, follow this link to the Humane Society website. You can send an email to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell asking him to suspend Michael Vick, because clearly the only place you can hurt this guy is in his checkbook.