There is light at the end of the tunnel

But no food.

I am at the end of a six-day stretch with no hubby. Luckily, between family and a few babysitters, I wasn’t totally on my own this past week. We recently hired a new babysitter, as Crazy Babysitter moved further away and isn’t readily available anymore. So, both CB and the new babysitter, we’ll call her Normal Girl, helped out one day this past week. I put together this little comparison for you.

NG: Arrived 10 minutes early
CB: Arrived 1 hour and 30 minutes late

NG: When not watching Wiggles or Mickey Mouse with the kiddos, watched local news, CNN and one talk show
CB: Watched soap operas, Maury, Tyra, and Inside Edition

NG: Ate some cheese nips, a diet coke, and a piece of candy (which I offered her). Brought her own veggies to eat for lunch.
CB: Immediately cooked herself eggs and bacon for breakfast and polished off 5 biscuits left over from our breakfast. During the day, drank nine Dr. Peppers, ate 1 pound of turkey meat, 3/4 loaf of sourdough bread, 24 Chinese dumplings, one bag of Frito’s (but I did buy those especially for her), 16 ounces of sour cream and one bag of sugar cookies (too bad for you, Anabella). For dinner, ate 1/2 of a meatloaf and potatoes. And that’s just the stuff I know about.

NG: Talks about school and family
CB: Talks about how my dog is a bad influence on her dog.

However, CB does love to do laundry, which I would never dream of asking a babysitter to do. So I guess if you add in what she should be paying me for food and what I should be paying her for laundry service, it’s hopefully about even.

The point of this story? I am so glad Dan is coming home tonight.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

How is this a “medium” diet coke? I know I am dating myself here, but I remember when a coke this big was called a BIG GULP. Now, it’s just a medium. I’m almost scared to see what the BIG one looks like. No wonder we are all fat now. WTF, Jack in the Crack? Can’t you make a normal-sized drink?

Speaking of….I saw on TV that 1 in 3 of us is overweight/obese. Does that sound a little high to you? If they are including all the people who need to lose like 5 or 10 pounds, then maybe, but I don’t think 1 in 3 are truly overweight. (I did a random count today while out running errands, and I came up with 1 in 6. )

Can you tell that I have diet on the brain? It’s because I am on my second week of NutriSystems and all I can think about is food and dieting. Oh, and my crazy babysitter informed me that she lost 5 pounds in 4 days by simply reducing her donut intake from ONE DOZEN every morning to “just 3.” And she only ate one sausage biscuit instead of two. And she only drank 3 Dr. Pepper’s. Poor thing must be starving!

So, WTF, Universe? She is 45 and eats like a truckload of teenage boys. I am eating diet crap out of box and nursing a baby, yet she loses more than twice as much weight in half the time. Something is wrong in that equation.

Our World Has Gone Crazy Week — Part 3

Salmonella Everywhere!!

First green onions, then spinach, and now peanut butter. Nothing is safe to eat anymore. I mean, really, how exactly are feces getting into the peanut butter??!

And here is the crazy part…

My babysitter (the one who can eat a pound of salami in one sitting) has had bathroom “issues” for over three weeks. About two weeks ago, she tells me that her dog now has the same issues. Well of course, it turns out she has been eating bad peanut butter…almost FOUR jars of it…over the past four weeks. So, 1.) Who can eat four jars of peanut butter and not weigh 400 pounds? and 2.) How are she and the dog not dead? Either she has a killer immune system or they both just built up a tolerance from eating two peanut butter/bacteria-laced sandwiches a day. (Like how people in Mexico don’t get sick from the water?)

And yes, she feeds her dog sandwiches…do you really find that surprising?

P.S. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my fabulous husband, Dan, and to my best friend from high school, Halle. Both of whom turn 35 today! Welcome to the downhill slide guys. 🙂

What are you hiding?

I am hiding all kinds of ridiculous things lately. And while I am very good at hiding, sometimes I am not so great at finding. (Somewhere in this house is my one and only sex toy that I was scared my maid might find. Neither of us has come across it in almost 2 years!)

Last night the hubby and I decided to go to a movie. We called the babysitter and she was available. Time to hide some stuff. No, not my jewels or our other riches, but food we hoped to see when we returned home.

The issue with the babysitter (a long-time, single friend of mine who is 6’1″, thin and eats like a football team) is that 1.) she tends to gravitate toward very expensive food or things that my hubby has bought as a special treat for one of us and 2.) she eats things in their entirety.

Last month the hubby brought me back a box of dark chocolate from Holland. I assume it was fabulous, because she ate it all in one evening. (She had cleverly taken out the trash, so it was as if the chocolate never even existed!) Another time she ate a POUND of fancy peppered salami that we bought for a little shin-dig we were having the following evening.

I personally find it kind of amusing, but the hubby gets a little irritated, so off I went to hide our beloved treats. The Mini Milanos went under the rice. The Reese’s left over from Halloween went behind the tea. Then, the hubby calls out “don’t forget to hide the salami.” (A game I never thought I would play with the babysitter! )