The Good, the bad and the ugly – part 1

Today, the Good. It’s been a great month. The first week of May, I went to Mom 2.0 in Miami. For those who don’t know, it’s a mom blogger conference. I met a lot of interesting women and spent three days at the Ritz-Carlton Key Biscayne, which was a much-needed treat on its own.

But, I also met Sam Bee, who was super funny and personable:

And I had Jenny the Bloggess sign her book for me:

With requested profanity, of course:

And I got to hang out at the Versace Mansion in South Beach.

We also went an Astros game for the first time as a family this month. The girls looked adorable in their Astros gear, and were excellent fans. Little Scarlett even has a superstitious side to her, telling me if we clapped 20 times before each batter, he would hit the ball. So cute. We ended the night with dinner at Vic & Anthony’s … a tradition Dan and I had long before kiddos came into the picture. Anabella had her first taste of their infamous crab cakes and Scarlett enjoyed some of the best mac & cheese I’ve ever had. (The blue box stuff might be out for good at our house.)

And the month ended with my birthday. A non-event really, but I had a lot of nice celebrations … ending with a birthday slumber party for me and my friend Kim with four of our dearest friends this past Saturday night at a fancy hotel. We brought in tons of food and cocktails, and just talked, played games and acted silly. (Some of us more silly than others, right Kim?) Through all the changes and the ups and downs of life, I am somehow lucky enough to maintain an amazing circle of friends. So grateful for that!

Rhonda, World Traveler

Okay, not really, but life has been fun lately. Last week I was in NYC for a conference on creating content for social media. I not only got to stay in the city for three days, but I also got to participate in the NASDAQ closing bell ceremony for a second time. Can you pick me out of this photo?

The highlights were meeting and having a conversation with David Pogue at a networking event. I also was able to go to Mesa (a Bobby Flay restaurant) and enjoy an incredible meal. All I have to say is Shrimp and Garlic Tamale. If you get the chance, you won’t regret it. I also witnessed first hand the trainwreck that is Charlie Sheen’s tour of stupidity. My hotel was across the street from Radio City Music Hall, and all of the yahoos who wanted to catch a glimpse of him after the show were camped out in the street. I walked down to the drug store and stopped to watch people coming out of the show being interviewed on the local news …. surprisingly they felt they had wasted their $500/ticket. Duh. $20 would have been a waste. So it was a great trip, except for all of the mommy guilt, which I tried to sqaush with gifts from the Hello Kitty store and Toys R Us.

And today, I am headed for New Orleans for Mom 2.0!

Mom 2.0 Summit - April 14-16

Three days in New Orleans, hanging out and getting inspired with 450 fellow bloggers. How fun is that? I will also be live blogging for Mom 2.0, so look for my posts on their website here.

I’ve been cheating on you, Blogger.

A lot has changed for me at work recently, including the addition of social media into my job function. Of course, I am totally psyched about that, but it also means I have been spending lots of my free time doing stuff besides blogging. Reading up on social media, taking webinars, going to conferences, tweeting, visiting fan pages, etc. Last month I attended a conference at the Houston Zoo and sat next to the guy who created this at lunch:

Remember this quiz we all took back in August? Matthew Inman, the man behind the awesomeness, gave me the back story. Apparently, he created the quiz for a client that sold sex toys. When the client saw the quiz, they thought it was “inappropriate.” LOL! Ummm, okay. Anyway, he was a really interesting guy … smart and YOUNG, so I was inspired. Too bad I can’t draw or code … I would totally rock at creating quizzes.

So here is our latest time waster … picked especially for Kim, since she enjoys talking about balls.

Clearly I won’t be picking a fight with a bear any time in the immediate future.

How long could you survive after punching a bear in the balls?

Created by Oatmeal

Pumpkin Chunken’ Festival

Yes, another fun activity we participated in last weekend — the Pumpkin Chunken’ Festival ( The event centers around a huge catapult (I was told it took days to build) that is used to destroy pumpkins. What could be more fun than smashing pumpkins?

They had a little carnival for the kids, but whenever a pumpkin was about to be launched, everyone stopped what they were doing to watch. It was surprising how far those pumpkins would go (a few hundred yards?) and how they all had a different angle/path/level of destruction at the end. I was over it in about an hour, but I think most of the men could have stayed out there all day.

Men, destruction — you know the deal.

So did anyone notice that the creator of Wow Wow Wubbzy left a comment on last night’s post? I have to say that was more exciting than when Dooce tweeted me. And in Anabella’s world, that is right up there with a phone call from the Pope or George Clooney asking me out (Call me, George!).

So, thanks again, Bob Boyle. You made our morning — and we bought the new Wubb Idol DVD at Target in your honor!

P.S. Day three of NaBloPoMo. Whew. Only 27 more to go.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I am hoping at least a few of you remember Ren and Stimpy. I have officially put on my happy helmet and am determined that this is going to be a fabulous week. Because last week was total crap and I cannot handle a repeat. A good friend found out she has breast cancer. Dan’s dad found out his cancer has returned. And lots of other stupid trivial things happened.

The most entertaining stupid trivial thing included me, my white pants and a mocha frappuccino. I was coming back to the office after a quick trip to Starbucks. I got out of my car and walked around toward the back, when the frappuccino slipped out of my hands, hit the concrete and SPLAT … all over the right leg of my white pants.

Me (in a very loud voice): “JESUS! F*CK!”

A voice from the distance: “Rhonda?”

Me (panicking in my head): “CRAP! You just took the Lord’s name in vein AND dropped an F-bomb in the parking garage.”

From around a car, comes my coworker Vanessa. WHEW.

Vanessa: “I knew I recognized that voice. Are you okay?” Looks down at my pants and begins to laugh. “Oh my.”

She was nice enough to walk with me through the sky walks (pretending like no big deal), and even let me hide behind her on the elevator. Thirty minutes and one entire Tide pen later, my pant leg was completely soaked, but the frappuccino was mostly gone.

The moral of the story … invest in Tide pens. Oh, and don’t cuss and act like a raging maniac in the parking garage at work.

The following portion of this blog is rated “R”
So, I took this test last week (and was so tickled by the questions that I could not stop laughing … it was as close to being completely hysterical as I have ever come … I am pretty sure my coworkers wanted to slap me), but feel I should go ahead and post my results … just in case anyone wants to mess with me and/or ruin the fabulous week ahead.

How many baboons could you take in a fight? (armed only with a giant dildo)

Created by The Oatmeal

Bee Gees, fuzzy boots and Pabst Blue Ribbon

After happy-hour cocktails to celebrate my friend Kathy’s birthday on Saturday night, the group decided to continue the party down the street at the House of Blues. Little did we know that we would find a treasure … a band that would play excellent music AND make us laugh until we cried. (In fact, we all stood around in disbelief for a good five minutes with a “is this for real?” look on our faces.)

I give you Tragedy, a heavy metal, Bee Gees tribute band.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Think heavy metal sound, disco lyrics, spandex, glitter and some crazy showmanship. (If I had known, I would have brought a real camera, but the iPhone didn’t do too bad.) They rocked all the classic Bee Gees stuff, but the pièce de résistance was their version of the Barbra Streisand tune “I am a woman in love.” (I almost peed myself.)

If you ever get the opportunity, you have to go see these guys. The music was great (if you enjoy hard rock and the Bee Gees) and watching men dance around in spandex jumpsuits is surprisingly entertaining.

Yes, that is a slightly hefty guy wearing silver spandex shorts, fuzzy pink boots and hot-pink, elbow-length gloves. This photo really doesn’t do his beer belly justice.

P.S. There was also an AC/DC tribute band that sounded exactly like the original (and they definitely looked the part). They were excellent, but unless you are wearing fuzzy boots and spandex shorts, you don’t get an entire blog post.

P.P.S. Dan thought is was hysterical that HOB serves Pabst Blue Ribbon. Apparently, it brought back some high-school memories for him, so he bought a bucket of them and made us all drink one. Yuk.

Blah, Ugh, Help

Dan has been traveling for over a week now, and although I am not totally alone in the endeavor to keep my children safe and sound, I still feel like I have been hit by a very large truck. Maybe even a bulldozer. Whatever it was, I’m the roadkill. Scarlett summed it up yesterday …

I really wasn’t expecting it to be this hard. Dan traveled a lot when Scarlett was a newborn, and that was exhausting too, but something about working full-time and then coming home to two toddlers (one of whom refuses to go to bed before 9:30) is beyond difficult.

So, first I’d like to give a shout out to all the working, single moms. Holy crap, you ladies deserve an award! Second, while I would like to whine some more about poor me getting my ass kicked by a bunch of half-pints, I really just wanted everyone to know why I haven’t been blogging.

And since I am sleep deprived and clearly on the road to depression, here’s a fun exercise … a way for you all to make me feel better. (I stole the idea from a local radio show.) PLEASE entertain me with your witty comments. I need something to keep me awake until at least 10 p.m. And I might even give a prize.

Name something that the Internet has ruined forever.

Their list included:

  • Rick Astley (have you been “Rick Rolled?”)
  • Cats (Because everyone is bothering the poor cats with photo taking for funny captions on Internet sites. Whatever, cats. Get over it.)
  • Watching TV with other people
  • Motivational posters (I think we are okay with this one, right?)
  • Phone books
  • Newspapers
  • Tom Cruise
  • Porn (Because it’s no longer mysterious and hard to come by … and yes, I avoided the obvious joke there … whaaa. Poor porn guys. It’s all so common now.)
  • Journalism (I think that might be a dig at bloggers!)
  • Privacy

— The B.S. Cafe is now serving a large helping of parental exhaustion with a side of “what the hell happened to my life?”

Monday Fun

The sky is falling at AIG again today, so I don’t have time to blog blog. However, here are a few things for your amusement.

Check out the Cakewrecks blog … it had me in tears last week. The “fan favorites” (in the sidebar) are the best. I especially loved Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockeys.

From the Rodeo Cookoff on Friday night (more on this later):

WTF? I don’t care if this is a rodeo, under no circumstances am I going into a door marked “heifer.” You can bite me, Mr. Porto-Sign-Maker.

Back in the Saddle

Gee, I am such a slacker. Hard to believe it’s been so long since I posted. But if it makes it any better, I promise I wasn’t doing anything fun.

We got home from Michigan late last Wednesday night, and about 10 miles from home my car broke down. So after dealing with car stuff on Thursday, I had to get ready for a little party I was throwing on Saturday. Now, I am in full gear trying to put together a birthday party for my daughter. So much for my life of luxury.

There is lots to talk about…Paris is out of jail, Nancy Grace is pregnant, Ann Coulter is the devil…but I thought I would entertain you with a little silliness from the Michigan trip first.

Did you know you can buy “bling” out of a candy vending machine these days? For only 25 cents too. Can I interest you in a cute little anchor or perhaps a giant eagle, ladies?

Do you like bacon? Then check out Tony’s Restaurant. It’s a “greasy spoon” on a highway in Birch Run, Michigan, and they love to load you up on bacon. This lady looked like she wanted to die from embarrassment when her club sandwich came out. (I’m sure it didn’t help that I asked to take a photo of her and the monster sandwich.) And look at the other lady’s plate…I think there is an egg under that bacon somewhere.

I like to call this picture “Baby Got Back.” We ran out of swimmer diapers one day, and let my daughter play in a real diaper. As you can see, she came out of the pool with quite a load. That diaper weighed at least 10 pounds.

This is more bothersome than silly. Please explain to me how this fly got in there in the first place? Isn’t that supposed to be some sort of air tight seal between the panes of glass???

And here is where I spent 3 solid days in Michigan. My little piece of heaven.