Recently I purchased myself a fabulous new purse. (I am a bit of a Purse Ho. It’s either purses or cars, and we can’t afford for me to “collect” cars.) Many of my girlfriends have commented on it, but the added bonus has been comments from several men.

On Sunday, after yet another guy complimented my purse (the concession guy at the movies), I started to wonder, what is going on around here? My husband might be able to point out a designer purse, but only if it was covered in their logo and it was hanging in a store owned by the brand. (Ok, he might be able to point it out on the street, but he has endured some serious schooling by being married to me, the Purse Ho.)

So what is up with the Target checkout guy, and the barista at Starbuck’s, and the man behind me at lunch? Are men really this fashion conscious?

My car is still in the shop (argh), so I have borrowed the hubby’s transportation several times over the past few days. This is what he drives.

I don’t know what you would think if you saw me driving by in this, but apparently people here in Houston think this car says “GRRRRRR…I’M MEAN!”

It’s fabulous.

I can drive 55 in the fast lane in this monster and no one gives me the evil sideways look as they pass by. Cars that are 1/4 mile ahead on the road move out of my lane immediately. I was the LAST person to arrive at a four-way stop, and no one wanted to move until I passed through. A pedestrian even apologized for walking in front of me (at a crosswalk, when she had the little “go” hand). I feel so powerful. I am Queen of the Road.

And not only that, but everyone stares at me too. So I feel powerful AND pretty! This is the best car ever. 🙂

If you don’t believe me, you are welcome to come over and take this puppy around the block a few times. Just don’t be multi-tasking, because one minute you are dialing your cell phone and then BAM, you’ve demolished the Toyota in the next lane.

Want to know what I miss about my 20’s? Random phone calls at 2:00 a.m. from drunken friends or exs or people of “interest.” Those conversations were ALWAYS fun.

Maybe it was the unexpectedness, or the way you wound up talking about something sort of deep, or really honest, or totally off-the-wall because you were half-asleep and your guard was down, and the drunk ass on the other end was being all sweet and complimentary.

I don’t get those anymore. However I did get a 7:00 a.m. call from my friend Darla a few weeks back. She called (and woke me up) to tell me she didn’t want me calling later and waking HER up because she hadn’t gone to bed yet. But, that was just annoying, so it doesn’t count.

They haven’t called back. I guess I am not hating my life enough to be on Oprah. Fine by me. Who could deal with all the pressure of trying to figure out what to wear anyway? 😉

So, the GOOD news is that all of this self-created drama has given me an idea for a book…sort of a survival guide for women my age who are jumping into this crazy thing called motherhood.

My title would be something like “It Totally Sucks for a While…and all the other things no one tells you. The 30-something woman’s guide to being a first-time mother.”

Opinions?

A few weeks ago, very late at night, I came upon a future show topic on the Oprah website…the dilemma being “is motherhood boring?” Apparently Oprah caught me at just the right time, because I ranted for several paragraphs about how I KNEW motherhood was boring, listing several reason why I myself was bored with it, blah blah blah…then I hit the submit button, and off my opinions went.

Well, they called this past week…how crazy is that? It sent me into a real tailspin…first, I was pretty excited…then, it was total panic. Could I actually get up on TV, in front of millions and millions of people, and say that being a mom is BORING? I know that it can be, and I know lots of women feel the same way, but could I really be the a*hole that stands up and says it? (I already have a hard enough time fitting in at the MOMs Club!) 🙂

But, I wouldn’t mind tickets to the show….