“What the f*ck?” Wednesday

It’s official. Anabella and I are in the bribery stage of our relationship.

It started out slow enough … some mini-M&Ms while I brushed the tangles out of her hair (her hair gets crazy tangled — she probably deserves a cocktail, but that would be wrong) and the occasional chocolate milk here and there.

But today, it was full on blackmail, thanks mainly to SpongeBob SquarePants.

Anabella is completely enamored with SBSP. The problem is that SBSP is on Nickelodeon, instead of our usual Noggin. Noggin is commercial-free. Nickelodeon is non-stop commercials for every stupid toy and sugary snack ever made. For the past week, they have been advertising Moxy Girls (WTF is a Moxy Girl?) during every episode.

So this morning, I needed to keep Anabella home from preschool due to a scheduling conflict. And of course, she was really pissed about that and went into full meltdown mode as I was trying to get out the door.

I foolishly and selflessly thought about our poor nanny and how her day was going to go, and said to Anabella “if you are good for Ana today, and play nicely with Scarlett, I will bring you home a surprise.” (thinking stickers or something silly)

As she wipes a tear from her cheek, she innocently looks up and says, “A Moxy Girl?”


So much for setting goals

NaBloPoMo was just a little too industrious for me at this point in time. I really liked the idea, but I don’t know that I would have had something interesting to say every day. It probably would have been a lot of bitching and moaning, so I really did you guys a huge favor by blowing it.

So, let’s talk about Facebook. I finally broke down and joined last week. (I am helping our HR dept start a fan page, so I felt the need to actually get on and use it.) And, as previously suspected, I am not enjoying the FB as much as other people seem to. While I have been friended by some very cool people from the past, I have also been friended by some people I never liked or didn’t know very well in high school … and that would be 20 years ago. WTF? At this very moment, I have a friend request from someone that I don’t even remember. Don’t I have to draw a line somewhere? Or do I just say whatever and friend everyone? It seems like some people do that. (The people with 500 friends!)

I also have some friends who play LOTS of games, so when I find a few minutes to log in, I am bombarded by crap like “so and so found a lost kitten and is putting it up for adoption” or “so and so is playing Farkle.” (What is Farkle?) One person even took a bunch of tests that kept telling her she was “beautiful” and she was making comments about how great and wonderful said tests were. Gag.

It will get less annoying over time I’m sure, but I think I am just more of a Twitter girl.

Rage Rover

I was driving Anabella to preschool one day last week and as we pulled into the parking lot she said, “F*cking car!”

Very calmly, I asked (just in case I heard it wrong) “What did you say?”


As I silently try to figure out what to do next, she added “It means get out of the way.” (Ha. Like I didn’t know that.)

I instantly knew she learned that from me, because while Dan does have some rage, it’s not road rage. The sad part was that I couldn’t recall saying it … I guess I was just muttering obscenities under my breath.

So as an experiment in self-actualization, I’ve started recording my outbursts (repeats of my outbursts) on my iPhone and well, it is not pretty. I’ll provide a recap at the end of the week, but let’s just say that someone might need an anger-management class if she doesn’t want to raise a bunch of potty mouths.

“WTF?” Wednesday

WTF was I thinking when I signed up for NaBloPoMo? And why didn’t you guys try to stop me? It’s only day four and I already feel like the Dunkin Donuts guy … “time to write the blog. time to write the blog.” I’m all about setting goals, but this is kind of like starting a no-carb diet during the holidays. Maybe I could make my life extra hard by adopting a few more toddlers or a litter of puppies that needs house training.

So anyway, I get this email today from Sur la table (a store that I love, love, love) and am instantly intrigued because Thanksgiving is approaching, we eat mostly organic meat, and they say it’s like the bestest turkey eh-ver!

Then I scrolled down to see that this turkey costs $110 for a 15-pounder. Holy crap! That turkey better be the best thing I ever put in my mouth. I’m talking no gravy necessary, super juicy, tasty and slightly orgasmic turkey. I spent $65 on a turkey two years ago and felt like an idiot. (organic but 27 pounds!) The lady at the checkout even made fun of me.

But I guess the good news here is that if even 50 people are willing to spend that kind of cash on a turkey, then the economy is clearly recovering.

P.S. If you buy one, we usually eat our Thanksgiving meal in the early afternoon, so I could totally be free to join you for dinner.

Pumpkin Chunken’ Festival

Yes, another fun activity we participated in last weekend — the Pumpkin Chunken’ Festival (www.comehurl.org). The event centers around a huge catapult (I was told it took days to build) that is used to destroy pumpkins. What could be more fun than smashing pumpkins?

They had a little carnival for the kids, but whenever a pumpkin was about to be launched, everyone stopped what they were doing to watch. It was surprising how far those pumpkins would go (a few hundred yards?) and how they all had a different angle/path/level of destruction at the end. I was over it in about an hour, but I think most of the men could have stayed out there all day.

Men, destruction — you know the deal.

So did anyone notice that the creator of Wow Wow Wubbzy left a comment on last night’s post? I have to say that was more exciting than when Dooce tweeted me. And in Anabella’s world, that is right up there with a phone call from the Pope or George Clooney asking me out (Call me, George!).

So, thanks again, Bob Boyle. You made our morning — and we bought the new Wubb Idol DVD at Target in your honor!

P.S. Day three of NaBloPoMo. Whew. Only 27 more to go.

Halloween too

Here are the girls’ Halloween photos. Anabella was “Shine.” Yes, I know you have no clue who Shine is … no one else did either … so I let her carry the Shine doll around with her as a reference tool. (Shine is a character on Wow Wow Wubbzy voiced by Beyonce.) She had a blast and definitely has a little rock star in her, so that is all that mattered.

Scarlett was a cow. She couldn’t care less about Halloween and probably just thought it was a nice warm outfit on a cool night. But isn’t she cute?


For the first time in a very long time, I was truly frightened on Halloween. My friend Kathy’s daughter was having her first birthday party, and Scarlett was still napping, so Anabella and I went over alone. Dan called just as we were leaving to go trick-or-treating with the birthday party to find out where they could meet us. A few minutes later, this comes walking down the street.

Yes, that is my husband and his last-minute, surprise costume. He’s wearing a Halloween costume of mine from several years ago (I was a senorita) … with painted finger nails and reeking of my perfume. And he was wearing a pair of heels that I haven’t worn yet. Oh, and pearls. LOL

P.S. Of course the girls were total cuties. I’ll post photos of them tomorrow. For some crazy reason, I signed up for NaBloPoMo this year (30 posts in 30 days), so I need to stretch this out. 😉