WTF Wednesday

Notice anything out of place in this photo?

Maybe, the COYOTE that’s hanging around behind our fence at noon?

I’ve seen one before, but that was at 3 a.m. Not in the middle of the day, out in the common area where people play with their kids, walk their dogs, fish, etc.


WTF? Wednesday

Really? Are we wearing bandanas around our necks again?

The story behind this photo is almost as funny as a dude sporting a bandana 1800s style. I am pulling into the bank when I see this guy. Of course, I’m all “is that guy wearing a bandana around his neck?!” He heads inside, I quickly jump out of my car and go inside. I’m just about to snap a photo when the super attentive bank rep jumps up and asks to help me. She ushers me into her cubicle and we start talking about a car loan. She is putting my information in the computer, and I try to be stealth and put my phone up to take a photo before Bandana Man disappears. I look back at her, and she is looking at me with this huge smile on her face. Then she whispers “what are you doing?” Clearly we are now girlfriends. “That guy is wearing a bandana. Around his neck. Like a necklace. I have to take a photo for my blog.” She looks and says “has anyone even BOUGHT a bandana since 1980?” And we both giggle. Of course, he is probably a lovely man, and I’m going to hell for making fun. But seriously. A bandana?

Make your own speed limit?

This sign has been blank since January. It would almost be fun to get pulled over, because clearly the speed limit is somewhere between 30 and 70. And the crazy part is there are cops on this stretch of road all the time. Surely they’ve noticed the blank speed limit sign? WTF?

WTF? Wednesday

Since when did dogs get so fancy and important? I was booking our dogs at the kennel and they asked me if I would like to pay extra for “5-star service”. I had already booked them in a “climate-controlled room” with a patio, so I was curious to hear what was better than that. You know, for a DOG.

Their 5-star service included extra playtime, special treats (graham crackers with mashed potatoes and meat – yuk) and … being READ A STORY AT BEDTIME.


WTF Wednesday

Just when I thought the Hoffsicle was the strangest thing I had seen lately, this comes in the mail.

She’s not a toy, people. She’s a FINE COLLECTIBLE. And when you get your creepy baby in the mail, you can personalize her hospital bracelet. (All the crazy people are doing it.)

WTF? Wednesday

I love my pets. I do ridiculous things for my pets. However, I refuse to buy into this.

I’ll spend $1,200 to save the life of an alley cat with a kidney infection (I’m looking at you, Deuce), but I am not serving my cat multi-course meals. I mean seriously, who came up with this idea? Treats, yes. Salad and appetizer courses, no.

This is the sign in front of one of Houston’s finer establishments in a fairly fancy neighborhood. The Diamond Club, formerly known as the Pink Pussycat, is one of Houston’s only all-nude strip clubs. (If you don’t live in Houston, we have no zoning, so that’s how this place is within a mile or so of million dollar homes). Anywho, I noticed the sign to OTC participants (the Offshore Technology Conference), and wondered, if the message is basically “if you can prove that you have a hotel room, you can come in and find a hooker for free”? Are we not a little more discreet these days?!

WTF? Wednesday

Just when I thought my girls were being sweeter and kinder to each other, Anabella presents me with this drawing.

Background: Scarlett somehow wound up wearing one of Anabella’s “Hello Kitty” shirts the other day, and all hell broke loose (picture crying, throwing of self on floor and other ridiculousness).

As you can see in this drawing, Anabella (the blonde) is wearing the coveted HK shirt. And poor Scarlett, standing next to me, is crying, being rained on by bowling-ball sized drops, has a very ominous red cloud following her (is it toxic??!), and apparently also has a club foot.

Ahh, sisters. So glad I don’t have any.

P.S. NOLA recap coming ASAP!

WTF? Wednesday

This car has been driving around our neighborhood over the past few weeks.

On one hand, it’s cool to see the equipment and how they go about getting the street shots for Google Maps. On the other, it feels a little big brother … the watchful camera is starting to give me the creeps. I’m scared to take the trash out in my PJs. Don’t want to be forever recorded in Google Maps looking like crap!

This sign was at Reliant Stadium for the NCAA tournament. No, I wasn’t there for that cool event. I was there to buy tickets for Toy Story 3 on Ice. (Luckily I don’t actually have to GO … thanks, Grammy!) It’s got the usual suspects for the don’t-bring-this-to-the-stadium list. No weapons or laser pointers. No glass. No banners. But bullet #7 is where they lost me. No costumes … okay … and no CRYSTAL BALLS. Really? This is a problem they’ve had in the past? Lots of fortune tellers sneaking their crystal balls into the Final Four? College students carry crystal balls around these days perhaps dressed in some crazy costume and wielding wire and spikes?


WTF? Wednesday

It’s WTF Wednesday and I’m sure all wondering WTF is up me. Well, the short version is that I’ve been really sick. Crohn’s is kicking my ass again … more than ever before. I’ve been on crazy meds, losing my hair, missing work, feeling like total ass all the time. And in between that, I’ve trying to participate in my life. So that left no time for blogging. Or laundry. Or porn. Anyway, I’m back on evil steriods and starting to feel a little better, so here I am.

Everyone else is great. Scarlett is still talking trash and acting like the Queen Bee, which I totally adore. Anabella is really taking off in school — writing, reading and getting blue stars all the time (instead of yellow sad faces). She also experienced her first “staycation” over spring break, but she was able to do a lot of fun things like Space Center Houston with her grammy and Matt. Dan and I took her to the rodeo carnival (she is a total daredevil, just like her mommy) and she spent a few hours working at my office one day. Remember when you thought it was cool and fun to go to work? Yeah, me either.

So here are a few photos. And I promise to get back in the blogging saddle ASAP.

P.S. Anabella lost her third tooth at the Rodeo while eating an ice cream cone. It was on the tip of her tongue and I managed to snatch it before she swallowed it. FINALLY the tooth fairy got to make a visit!

Sliding with daddy at the rodeo.

Hanging out in princesses dresses … ALL day in the princesses dresses, even out to lunch!

WTF? Wednesday

Spam sucks. Nothing new there. But lately, I’ve been getting weird-ass spam at work and it’s driving me crazy. I think we have pretty good spam filters here, and this is a fairly new email address (although it doesn’t work properly half the time, so I probably shouldn’t be surprised at the lack of filtering), so I’m not sure how I got on these crazy lists.

Exhibit A

Spam from some sort of industrial company in Russia that wants to sell me tape and belts and such. (I get lots of Russian spam — mostly just text emails though.)

Exhibit B

Spam from the French M&Ms. Which is also kind of surprising, because one would think that the French would consider themselves too good for M&Ms.

So if anyone knows how to write “unsubscribe” in Russian or French, please leave it in the comments for me.

— The B.S. Cafe is currently serving … фотографии из сообщений электронной почты и вещи из французского языка.