I received the following mass email from a neighbor yesterday:

Hi all,
If you know me you know I have two dachshunds that run out the door, climb under the fence or escape when the yard company does not shut gate totally. I really try to watch them but they are a handful. Thanks to anyone that has or will help me. I am at (address).

Name of Neighbor

WTF, stupid neighbor? I have personally returned your dog(s) at least five times and my babysitter has returned them twice. Once you wouldn’t even answer the door, so she opened it up and threw them in. This is what your note says to me:

Hi minions,
I have two dogs that are a total pain in my ass and I don’t care enough to take care of them. They will probably be run over in the near future, but I’m not really concerned with that … in fact, that would be great because these dachshunds are ruining my life.

If you see them, please go to the trouble of catching them and bring them to me at my earliest convenience. Of course, I won’t do anything to keep it from happening again, so please expect to do this several times. You don’t have anything better to do, right?

The Queen of the Subdivision

P.S. Please do not touch me, look at me directly or use my name in vain.

Have any stupid neighbor stories for me? Feel free to leave a link.