There are only a few shopping days left, so here are some things I do not want for Christmas.

Not that there is anything wrong with this…I would just totally suck at a game about gay culture.

Bacon air freshener. Yum. And look, they are on sale!

Soap in the shape of turds would probably cure my OCD when it comes to handwashing.

I also do not want anything I have to make myself. When I first started dating my husband, his mother decided to get me a lamp with a stained-glass shade. She took me to pick out the base and the colored glass…which was a lot of fun… but then she showed me how to cut and shape the pieces (what? why?). She thought I would enjoy doing it myself. UGH.

So I spent almost EIGHT hours in a garage in Florida, grinding glass and soldering the pieces together, while everyone else was at the pool or on the golf course. It was fabulous.