I won’t go into a long, drawn out story about all the bad thing Wells Fargo has done to me … but here are a few highlights.

1. Opened a savings account in my name WITHOUT my permission, then started automatically deducting money from my checking to put into said savings account every month. Then, didn’t pay me interest because I hadn’t signed the IRS form (maybe because I didn’t ask you to open a savings account for me, a**holes?).

2. Told me there would be a 10-day hold on a large cashier’s check and sent me a letter telling me the same. After 12 days, several charges bounce, because they decide to put an additional hold on said check without informing me (I guess Chase Bank is not a reputable source according to WF.). On top of that, they paid themselves (my car payment) first (putting my account in the negative) and then bounced several smaller charges on the same day, which would have gone through had the car payment not, and charged me $35 a pop for each.

3. After depositing CASH, at lunchtime, I find out they didn’t credit it immediately. Who doesn’t credit CASH on the same day if you make it in before close of business? Argh.

So the latest fiasco involved me buying a new car and riding myself of the Range Rover and Wells Fargo all in one swoop. (I have been counting the days!) I called them up, got the payoff information, filled out their little form to stop automatic withdraw of the payment from my account, sent it back and did a little dance. The end? NO.

Several days later they decide to go ahead and take out the payment, even though they probably have the payoff check in their satanic little hands, which of course overdrafted the account … because it has no money in it since I intend to close it ASAP. So now, even though they have an extra car payment in their possession, they have been psycho calling me all weekend because my account is in overdraft.

Only the devil would pay himself a car payment on a car that has been PAID OFF from an account that has no money in it.