A post for your imagination

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Here is a list of interesting things I have seen over the past few weeks, but was unable to get a photo of…due to driving a car, lack of quick reflexes, or whatever. It always haunts me when a good blog photo gets away, so just close your eyes and use your imagination…

– A little squirrel (a teenager, not a full-grown squirrel) holding a giant donut in his cute little paws and eating away.

– A dirty, scraggly homeless man, pushing a grocery cart down the street in his Michael Vick football jersey.

– A Whitney Houston look alike (but probably in her 60’s) dressed in 80’s workout gear (think leg warmers), alternately walking like a chicken, dancing, and then stretching by the side of a busy road.

And one from my friend Kim…

– A guy riding a motorcycle with a Barbie doll pasted to the seat behind him, as if she was his girlfriend.

Who won the battle?

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My two year old has been sick since Friday with a cough and runny nose. She came down with a fever last night, so we needed to give her some Tylenol. The funny thing about this age is that you can no longer just squirt the liquid stuff down their throat or hide it in their milk. You have to try and reason with them about why they should suck on the yucky grape quick dissolve tablet. Luckily, I was nursing the baby, so my husband took on the task. To say it was comical would be an understatement.

ATTEMPT #1
Dan: Anabella you have to take this.

Anabella: NO WAY.

Dan: It will make you feel better. Please.

Anabella: NO WAY.

Repeat five or six times.

ATTEMPT #2
Dan tries to force it into her mouth. Anabella tightens lips.

ATTEMPT #3
Dan tries to break tablet and force into her mouth. He manages to pry it in between her lips. But then Anabella spits it out on the carpet. (Me: THANKS!) And now she is pissed. And crying.

ATTEMPT #4
Dan gets new tablet.

Dan: I am going to put this on the counter and you need to eat it when you are ready.

5 minutes later and the tablet is still untouched….

ATTEMPT #5
Dan: Anabella if you take this medicine, you can have a vitamin. (They are gummy bears and she loves them.)

Anabella: NO.

Dan holds vitamin and Anabella tries to grab it.

Dan: Eat this first, then you get the vitamin.

Repeat three more times.

Anabella finally puts tablet in her mouth and grabs vitamin.

Dan: Well, I guess Daddy won that one.

Dan smiles and leaves room.

Anabella spits out remaining tablet on floor and eats vitamin.

Hallelujah Thursday

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I had a big “WTF? Wednesday” planned yesterday, but then I went to HEB for milk and discovered this…




“It’s just wine,” you say.

“NO!” I exclaim. “It’s freedom!”

Freedom to purchase wine in the neighborhood I live in. That’s right folks. Up until LAST NIGHT, I could not purchase wine unless I drove out of this county.

Don’t ask me how I managed to move into a dry county in the first place, but I did redeem myself by dragging my butt to the polls in November to vote “yes” to wine sales and “yes” to being able to purchase a cocktail while dining out. And yes, I was up to my neck in children, and my husband was out of town, but a woman has to get her priorities straight.

So, WTF Wednesday was preempted by a bottle of Chianti.

What’s for lunch?

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Nothing healthy apparently. Yes, this is a “snack size” package of marshmellows. I admit to throwing in a package of goldfish, Cheese Nips, even Teddy Grahams or maybe some little cookie crisps into Anabella’s lunch, but I find this ridiculous. To me this says that we have officially given up. I didn’t check, but I am fairly certain there is no nutritional value in marshmellows, especially the ones they used red dye on to make them “strawberry.”

So, I am going to pass on the fancy packaging. I’ll just put some sugar packets and a sippy cup full of chocolate syrup into her lunch box tomorrow.

The week in review…as seen by my iPhone

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After discovering that Voles might not be as bad as Omar makes them out to be (Look! This one even has musical talent.)…

And getting my ass kicked by my two year old while her daddy was out of town the week of Thanksgiving (Yes, this is the extreme I had to go to to keep her in her room one night. She outwitted me by discovering our handles go “up” too!)…


I decided to just spent lots of quality time with my “foxy” baby this past week. (Isn’t she cute…and the sweet little outfit is courtesy of “Aunt” Laura. Thanks, LC!)

I also made a few trips to our new HEB…the current Mecca of my universe. And I totally adore them for having “child” parking. Finally, a perk! (Besides the whole joy of parenting thing, of course.)


Then, I snuck out of the house one night (with a bottle of wine) to meet my friend Tracie for pedicures. I am so brain dead that I wore closed-toe shoes…which means I was forced to wear these lovely wood-grain foam flop things out in public. And not just “out in public” like to my car…we went to a restaurant afterwards and I wore these inside. How daring and carefree is that?


Next, a WTF taken on the sly at the bank on Friday. Can you see the dashboard? It’s held together with duct tape. I am no mechanic, but I am pretty sure that if you have to use duct tape to keep your dashboard/steering wheel attached to your car, you might want to consider buying a new one.


And finally, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend Kara who turned the big 3-0 on Friday. We celebrated in true “dirty thirties” fashion. (You should see the photos from the END of the evening!)

A moment of clarity…courtesy of PetsMart

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Finally. My new job description presents itself. Thank you, PetsMart.

That’s right. I’m a “Stool Manager.” Don’t be sad for me. I run a department of 6, not including myself.
  • There’s the two cats, who produce three litter boxes of stool per week.
  • Next are the two dogs, who produce at least a Target bag full of stool once a week. And as a bonus, Winston the Bulldog works overtime, bringing me extra stool in the form of dingle berries at least once a day. (Note to bloggy friends: Do not buy a dog that has an a**hole that points up. You will be wiping his butt until the day he dies.)
  • Finally, we have the two little girls. One who produces adult-like poo and likes to spread it around, literally. And the smaller one, who kindly keeps it in her diaper, but produces a stool that is slightly less appealing to the senses…if that’s really even possible.

And to think, just 3 years ago I was just a measly self-employed communications consultant who had the world in her hand. Look at me now people!

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday – General Moaning and Groaning

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Have you missed me? The hubby was gone for 10 days over the past 2 weeks, so my “free” time was spent either sleeping, or caffeinating myself to the point of the jitters. To say it’s a little hellish when he isn’t here would be a bit of an understatement, and any posts would have been me whining about taking care of the kids alone, so really I saved you all from wanting to cyber slap me. So here’s an extra long WTF Wednesday to make up for my absence.

RAGE ROVER
That’s me. Because my Range Rover has suddenly turned into a piece of crap. The “service engine soon” light came on, so I took it to the dealership. I got in my loaner car (which was brand new and had all of 40 miles on it) and it proceeded to break down not 2 hours later. When I got my car back, it drove fine for a few days and then completely overheated and had to be towed to the dealership again. (Luckily the hubby was in it at the time…his payback for being out of town so much…ha!) So it’s back in the shop. The car does have over 70K miles on it, but WTF? This is the 3rd time it has been in the shop this year…twice for the SAME problem. And of course we only have a few thousand miles of warranty left. I am starting to think that cars have some sort of countdown clock to the end of warranty and then things just start falling apart.
IT’S A-N-A-B-E-L-L-A
I have apparently cursed my daughter with a name that is doomed to be misspelled for her entire life. We intentionally only used one “n” because my husband has some irrational fear of people calling her “Ann.” But now it seems that no one can spell it correctly. It doesn’t really bother me, except when they constantly misspell it at her preschool. Any of you who have or know a kid in preschool knows that I have to put her name on EVERYTHING. This is just a sampling…

It’s practically stamped on her forehead and tattooed on her ass, so it’s kind of irritating that her teachers, who see her name on everything she owns, still misspell it day in and day out. See her name in the middle of this commemorative plate from their class last year (by the yellow flower)? Notice anything wrong? WTF?


THE LEAST ECONOMICAL VEHICLE EVER
I was at Sam’s this week and noticed a bunch of firefighters shopping for what I assume to be supplies for the fire station. It didn’t turn into a “WTF?” until I got in the parking lot and saw them loading their basket of stuff into an actual fire engine. That seems really wasteful to me. WTF, fire fighters? It wasn’t like you stopped by Sam’s on the way back from a fire. And although I respect and admire you more than words can say, couldn’t you guys jump in a car to do the shopping? Driving four Hummers to Sam’s probably would have saved money on gas.

And finally, I am SO sick of people almost killing me while they drive and talk on cell phones. I know I’ve talked about it before, but it seems to be getting worse. Last week one of my neighbors almost had a head-on collision with my dad when she pulled out of our subdivision and onto the wrong side of the divided street while chatting on the phone. She even honked at him and gave him the “WTF?” look before she realized she was heading into oncoming traffic. I almost want to run for office so I could make it my personal mission to ban cell phones in cars. Am I the only person who feels this way? Under my rule, these signs would be posted everywhere!