New Hobby Ideas

If only I had a little more time on my hands! Barnes & Noble had some great suggestions for hobbies and crafts. But between the husband, two kids, two dogs, two cats, household stuff, working part time, and now, acting as the surrogate mother of the crazy babysitter (hear more about this later in the week), I just don’t have the energy to make Stupid Sock Creatures

Or to bake my own Dog Biscuits

Or to hit the “Felt Underground” to make some “hip projects from the Urban Crafts Revolution.” (Who knew that felt was so dark and mysterious?!)

But, I might be able to make some time for this one…

There are three extra glasses if anyone wants to join me. Now we just need a name for our new “hobby” club…

F*ckin’ Dit

That’s how it sounded coming out of my 2-1/2 year old’s mouth this morning. The original version, from me, was “f*cking idiot!”

My daughter is in that monkey-see-monkey-do stage, and I cannot seem to apply the filter to my mouth when I am in the car. If anyone has a suggestion, please feel free to share it. Because road rage just takes over and the words fly out without a second thought to who is listening in the back seat.

A few weeks ago, I was cut off in traffic and screamed “F*CK!”

From the backseat, Anabella yells: “F*CK!”

Me: “Shit!”

Anabella: “Chit!”

Me: “Crap! Stop it!”

Anabella: “Crap!”

Me (to guy who cut me off as we pass him by): “Thanks a lot.”

Anabella (waving and smiling at him): “THANK YOU!”

The party’s over


That’s exactly what I said when the box from Nutrisystem appeared on the doorstep today. I was kind of hoping it would take a little longer to get here.

I guess that makes it official. I am on a diet. The party that has been my eat-a-thon for the past year ends tomorrow. Scarlett is four months old, so I can’t be all like “I just had a baby” anymore. Plus, my 20th high school reunion is this year, and I refuse to go as the fat girl. And it would be nice to wear some of my old clothes again. Maternity sweat pants are so last year.

So please send all your good thoughts my way. I need all the support I can get! And by posting this for all the world to see, I am hoping to make myself somewhat accountable. Feel free to taunt me by asking how much weight I have lost in the upcoming weeks/months. Maybe that will get me to quit the Mocha Frappaccinos (damn you, Starbuck’s)!

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday — It’s Chinese to me

Literally. This holiday card arrived on Monday, and I guess we are supposed to assume it says something like…

“Wishing you a fabulous 2008! Kick ass and take names! P.S. It’s the year of the Rat, so watch out, because rat-like Nutria are moving into your neighborhood.”

Or something like that.

If anyone knows Chinese, please let me know what it really says. Oh, and here’s the kicker. The envelope was all in English. WTF??

Mystery Meat

I was at the bank last week, and this animal was hanging out in a field in between a subdivision and the back of the strip center. At first, I thought it was a beaver…which of course would have been totally out of place. But when he took off (cause the weird lady with the camera scared him), I noticed he had a long, skinny tail.

So…what the hell is this?!

Momma’s Got a New Ride

Happy New Year, everyone! Sorry I’ve been away so long, but Anabella was home full time for the last two weeks, and I’ve barely had time to shower. You know how that goes.

The only exciting thing that happened is that my car turned itself into a low rider on NYE (the air suspension died and the car lowered all the way to the ground and wouldn’t come back up!) and is now back in the shop for the SIXTH time since October (note: do NOT keep a Land Rover for more than 70K miles!).

So I bought a new Hummer last Saturday! Here it is…

Isn’t it cute? I know it’s a bit BIG, and maybe sort of a gas guzzler, but I love it and I don’t care. I recycle practically everything, and my hubby works on all kinds of save-the-environment projects…I am doing my fair share. And if you think about it, we actually downgraded from the H1 to the smaller H2. So don’t give me a hard time.

Besides, I needed to get back on Al Gore’s shit list for having all three of things below.

(Note: I wouldn’t call my house a McMansion, but it definitely looks more like house #1 than house #2.)

So what is happening with all of you?