Yesterday, I boarded an elevator with eight seemingly harmless people. Five of said people were talking on cell phones before the elevator arrived, and much to my surprise, not ONE of these people ended their conversation after getting on the elevator. That’s right. I was forced to listen to FIVE conversations (two of which were in foreign languages) for seven floors. WTF?

It’s time we put our collective feet down people. In my former corporate life (many years ago), I wrote a document on email etiquette for use at my company. This incident made me realize that someone really needs to write and distribute a cell phone etiquette manual to every Tom, Dick and Harry that purchases a cell phone. It’s bad enough that I have a near-death experience at least once week when some yahoo decides he needs to send a text message while driving 70 miles per hour down a freeway. Now I have to enter small, confined spaces and be forced to listen to five meaningless conversations at once? It’s ridiculous.

So as much as I love my cell phone, I make these promises to you… I promise I will not talk obnoxiously loud on my cell phone in public. I promise I will not text while driving or while you are speaking to me. I promise not to install a ridiculous ring tone on my phone and then let it ring for extended periods of time. And finally, I promise I will not discuss my latest trip to the gynecologist in front of seven strangers on an elevator.

You’re welcome.

I wouldn’t say I am a fearless woman, but I’m no scaredy-cat either. However, TWICE this week, I have been scared to the point of near heart attack. I mean it. Both times my heart was beating so fast that I had to clutch my chest to keep it from escaping. (The last time that happened was when I met Troy Aikman back in the 1990’s!)

Today, I was just standing in my kitchen opening a can of Coke, when I heard a gunshot. I totally understand what people mean when they say they almost jumped out of their skin. The noise was so loud that my dog ran out of the room, tail between his legs. But it wasn’t a gunshot, it was the Coke can I just opened! WTF? Has anyone had this happen before? And the crazy part was that the actual coke didn’t explode or spill. That can must have had an extra burst of CO2 or something.

So, my second heart-stopping experience was in the garage. I was taking out the trash and noticed a piece of paper on the floor. I bent over to pick it up, and a spider similar to the one below was hiding underneath. I am so scared of spiders, and this one was huge (the size of my palm) and hairy and two inches away from my hand. I screamed bloody murder and did the little scared girl dance. The husband came running out and promptly killed the monster with a hammer. I felt a little bad once he bludgeoned to death, but he shouldn’t have wandered into my garage and scared the crap out of me. Maybe that will be a lesson for all the other huge spiders who were contemplating entering my domain.

P.S. WTF is up with Blogger spell check? It didn’t recognize “Aikman” and gave me the choices of Airman, Oilman, Hickman, Aiken and Amman. WHA??? You know Aiken, but not Aikman? Ugh.

I will admit that I am a little crazy when it comes to my pets. When we go on vacation, I will spend the extra cash to put my dogs up in a “suite” complete with their own TV, because I feel so guilty for boarding them. And yet, I still found this sight to be completely ridiculous…

That’s right, it’s a little kitty enjoying the outdoors in his own little stroller.

This neighbor has no children, so that means she went and purchased this especially for Mr. Fancy Pants Kitty.

WTF?