WTF? Wednesday

Kindergarten was a bumpy road for us, and the last day proved to be no different. Dan didn’t have a car that day, so he walked Anabella to school in the morning. Well I guess Ms. Thing decided she was a “walker” and got into the walker line at the end of the day and marched right out of the school all by her little lonesome. Out. Into the neighborhood. Alone. My FIVE year old. Are you f*cking kidding me, kindergarten?!

She made it home safely. And thank goodness Dan was home, because I’m not sure what her next decision would have been if he wasn’t. But needless to say, I totally freaked out. I spent at least two hours thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened to her on the short trip to our house. Then, I called and left a heated message at the school.

After FOUR days of radio silence, I sent an email to the prinicipal. She responded promptly, and said all the right things, but I am STILL waiting on her investigation results — I mean seriously, WTF? How did that happen? Anabella has been going to YMCA aftercare every other day of the school year. Stupid f*ckers. Yes, I am still completely worked up after a week and a half. It just makes me wonder exactly how safe our kids really are at school.

Okay, so anyway. I was in LA a few weeks ago for work and came across this sign in the kitchen of our offices.

Sorry it’s blurry but I was laughing pretty hard when I was taking the photo, because I had asked the security guard who was also in the kitchen what the story was behind the sign, to which he replied in a deep Southern accent “who the hell knows with these people.” He continued to tell me it was probably something to do with animal rights or organic farming. ha! Turns out he was from Oklahoma, and although he had lived in LA for many years, he wasn’t impressed with the “natives.” According to my friend, not only are they weird about food, but they also can’t drive in the rain. So there you have it.

A new low

I’ve reached a new level of desperation this week. I’ve been back on steroids for several months, and of course, my face has blown up again. I had to get my driver’s license photo taken this week, and had a complete breakdown when I compared the new “moon face” photo to my previous photo. So, I went to the drug store and bought a tube of PreparationH. (Hard to believe I didn’t already have some with all my gastroentestinal problems, huh?).

So before I went to work yesterday, I put it all over my face. Yep. I did. Hemorrhroid cream all over my face.

It did make a difference around my eyes, but the shame of having ass cream on my face will probably keep me from doing it again.

WTF? Wednesday

I love my pets. I do ridiculous things for my pets. However, I refuse to buy into this.

I’ll spend $1,200 to save the life of an alley cat with a kidney infection (I’m looking at you, Deuce), but I am not serving my cat multi-course meals. I mean seriously, who came up with this idea? Treats, yes. Salad and appetizer courses, no.

This is the sign in front of one of Houston’s finer establishments in a fairly fancy neighborhood. The Diamond Club, formerly known as the Pink Pussycat, is one of Houston’s only all-nude strip clubs. (If you don’t live in Houston, we have no zoning, so that’s how this place is within a mile or so of million dollar homes). Anywho, I noticed the sign to OTC participants (the Offshore Technology Conference), and wondered, if the message is basically “if you can prove that you have a hotel room, you can come in and find a hooker for free”? Are we not a little more discreet these days?!

WTF? Wednesday

Just when I thought my girls were being sweeter and kinder to each other, Anabella presents me with this drawing.

Background: Scarlett somehow wound up wearing one of Anabella’s “Hello Kitty” shirts the other day, and all hell broke loose (picture crying, throwing of self on floor and other ridiculousness).

As you can see in this drawing, Anabella (the blonde) is wearing the coveted HK shirt. And poor Scarlett, standing next to me, is crying, being rained on by bowling-ball sized drops, has a very ominous red cloud following her (is it toxic??!), and apparently also has a club foot.

Ahh, sisters. So glad I don’t have any.

P.S. NOLA recap coming ASAP!

Rhonda, World Traveler

Okay, not really, but life has been fun lately. Last week I was in NYC for a conference on creating content for social media. I not only got to stay in the city for three days, but I also got to participate in the NASDAQ closing bell ceremony for a second time. Can you pick me out of this photo?

The highlights were meeting and having a conversation with David Pogue at a networking event. I also was able to go to Mesa (a Bobby Flay restaurant) and enjoy an incredible meal. All I have to say is Shrimp and Garlic Tamale. If you get the chance, you won’t regret it. I also witnessed first hand the trainwreck that is Charlie Sheen’s tour of stupidity. My hotel was across the street from Radio City Music Hall, and all of the yahoos who wanted to catch a glimpse of him after the show were camped out in the street. I walked down to the drug store and stopped to watch people coming out of the show being interviewed on the local news …. surprisingly they felt they had wasted their $500/ticket. Duh. $20 would have been a waste. So it was a great trip, except for all of the mommy guilt, which I tried to sqaush with gifts from the Hello Kitty store and Toys R Us.

And today, I am headed for New Orleans for Mom 2.0!

2011
Mom 2.0 Summit - April 14-16

Three days in New Orleans, hanging out and getting inspired with 450 fellow bloggers. How fun is that? I will also be live blogging for Mom 2.0, so look for my posts on their website here.

WTF? Wednesday

This car has been driving around our neighborhood over the past few weeks.

On one hand, it’s cool to see the equipment and how they go about getting the street shots for Google Maps. On the other, it feels a little big brother … the watchful camera is starting to give me the creeps. I’m scared to take the trash out in my PJs. Don’t want to be forever recorded in Google Maps looking like crap!

This sign was at Reliant Stadium for the NCAA tournament. No, I wasn’t there for that cool event. I was there to buy tickets for Toy Story 3 on Ice. (Luckily I don’t actually have to GO … thanks, Grammy!) It’s got the usual suspects for the don’t-bring-this-to-the-stadium list. No weapons or laser pointers. No glass. No banners. But bullet #7 is where they lost me. No costumes … okay … and no CRYSTAL BALLS. Really? This is a problem they’ve had in the past? Lots of fortune tellers sneaking their crystal balls into the Final Four? College students carry crystal balls around these days perhaps dressed in some crazy costume and wielding wire and spikes?

And finally, HOW IS HOUSTON NOT GETTING A RETIRED SPACE SHUTTLE? WTF????

WTF? Wednesday

It’s WTF Wednesday and I’m sure all wondering WTF is up me. Well, the short version is that I’ve been really sick. Crohn’s is kicking my ass again … more than ever before. I’ve been on crazy meds, losing my hair, missing work, feeling like total ass all the time. And in between that, I’ve trying to participate in my life. So that left no time for blogging. Or laundry. Or porn. Anyway, I’m back on evil steriods and starting to feel a little better, so here I am.

Everyone else is great. Scarlett is still talking trash and acting like the Queen Bee, which I totally adore. Anabella is really taking off in school — writing, reading and getting blue stars all the time (instead of yellow sad faces). She also experienced her first “staycation” over spring break, but she was able to do a lot of fun things like Space Center Houston with her grammy and Matt. Dan and I took her to the rodeo carnival (she is a total daredevil, just like her mommy) and she spent a few hours working at my office one day. Remember when you thought it was cool and fun to go to work? Yeah, me either.

So here are a few photos. And I promise to get back in the blogging saddle ASAP.

P.S. Anabella lost her third tooth at the Rodeo while eating an ice cream cone. It was on the tip of her tongue and I managed to snatch it before she swallowed it. FINALLY the tooth fairy got to make a visit!

Sliding with daddy at the rodeo.

Hanging out in princesses dresses … ALL day in the princesses dresses, even out to lunch!

Happy Valentine’s Day

Hope you are all having a great day! Dan doesn’t like Valentine’s Day, so we don’t really celebrate … although I did put together a bag of goodies for the girls … and I made my coworkers participate in a Secret Valentine exchange. (I got a box of fudge!)

On the way into work this morning, the local radio station was asking an interesting question. Basically, who is the last person you would want for a Valentine? The answers included Tom Cruise, Kanye West, Carrot Top, etc. (Carrot Top — ha! Can you imagine? Yikes.)

So tell me in the comments who your NIGHTMARE Valentine would be. I’ll start. Rush Limbaugh. Oh, or Glenn Beck. Eeek.

WTF? Wednesday

Spam sucks. Nothing new there. But lately, I’ve been getting weird-ass spam at work and it’s driving me crazy. I think we have pretty good spam filters here, and this is a fairly new email address (although it doesn’t work properly half the time, so I probably shouldn’t be surprised at the lack of filtering), so I’m not sure how I got on these crazy lists.

Exhibit A

Spam from some sort of industrial company in Russia that wants to sell me tape and belts and such. (I get lots of Russian spam — mostly just text emails though.)

Exhibit B

Spam from the French M&Ms. Which is also kind of surprising, because one would think that the French would consider themselves too good for M&Ms.

So if anyone knows how to write “unsubscribe” in Russian or French, please leave it in the comments for me.

— The B.S. Cafe is currently serving … фотографии из сообщений электронной почты и вещи из французского языка.