“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

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It’s all about my health this week. I started working out again, had a mammogram, and last night I began using those foot pad things you see advertised on TV. (Who knows if they really work, but I guarantee that I am chocked full of toxins, so they certainly can’t hurt.)

And here is the result…

Eeeek! WTF? I knew I was toxic, but this is just plain nasty. Hopefully the next pad won’t be so scary.

And this is what they made me wear for my mammogram.


WTF? No, really, WTF? A purple cape?

It’s already a pretty humiliating process, and no one should ever have to see their girls in those positions, so could you just give me a hospital gown or something plain? I didn’t enjoy feeling like a half-naked, grape-flavored super hero/fashion victim.

BLAH

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Today is a crappy day. I took Max to his new home last night and although I know it’s a better situation for everyone, I’m still really bummed out. He is an adorable dog, but it just wasn’t the right time…crawling babies and un-housebroken dogs just don’t mix. And it didn’t help that he was so sweet and cute…

My friend Carol and her stepdaughter Jordan are going to give him a wonderful home, so check out her blog every now and then to see how Max is doing. http://mrssquirrelassassin.blogspot.com/

So to make myself feel better, I am going for a mammogram this afternoon. Hooray.

What I don’t want for Mother’s Day

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5. Stuff that cleans up other stuff.

4. Things that help me get organized, better myself in some form or fashion, or require me to think outside of my box.

3. Knick knacks. I have a toddler and a baby. Every surface in my house is bare and I am out of cabinet space.

2. Sharp objects. You never know when I might totally lose it.

1. Anything that poops.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

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WTF kind of douche are they using in France?! Must be pretty crazy to require a hat.


WTF is going on at my neighbor’s house? This dude made several trips with that can. How much paper can you possibly need to shred?


WTF is up with the spiders making homes on my car? They spin webs every night between my side mirror and the window. I don’t like making them homeless but I don’t particularly care for spiders either. This one couldn’t even wait until I got back home to start again! I think he was living behind the mirror, but his sticky little paws couldn’t hang on past 45 MPH.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

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As a woman who has a very Hispanic sounding maiden name (Hector…it’s actually German), I have adopted Cinco de Mayo as a personal holiday. Granted I am as Caucasian as they come, but who doesn’t enjoy a day that involves margaritas, Mexican food, pinatas, and victory over the French?

However, our holiday started off in a bit of sadness. Anabella came home with a little Cinco de Mayo bear on Friday, but apparently there has been some foul play, because all we could find of him this morning was his little teeny party hat.


I think the culprit might be the newest addition to the household, Max.


I know he looks innocent enough here, maybe even downright adorable, but he has been hell on four paws since he showed up. Not only did he probably devour Mr. Cinco de Mayo Bear, he has been making my home his own personal potty for the past 10 days.
So, I am on a potty-training mission this week, or Max might be joining Mr. Cinco de Mayo Bear…wherever he may be.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

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WTF is up with this paint job?

I haven’t been to jail lately (I’ve only been once…in my early 20’s…and it was just a big misunderstanding. ha ha ha), but I am fairly positive that I don’t want my bail bondsman to show up in this to get me out.

One, I think being in jail is serious business and the smiley face doesn’t give me confidence that they are taking my incarceration seriously. And two, I am pretty sure this guy is a pimp…and I don’t want to owe money to a pimp. That can’t be good.

#2…literally

I am going to break my own WTF rule and reopen the poopy discussions. Only because I walked out into my front lawn and saw this recently…


That is a size 9 shoe. WTF kind of bird makes a poop that big? A friggin‘ condor??

(If you desire more poopy talk, go here… http://aintitfunny-rhonda.blogspot.com/2008/02/what-fck-wednesday-belated-lets-talk.html)

I need your help!

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My 7th anniversary is coming up next week and I need your help. My husband is one of those guys who has everything. So I decided I should be creative and use the traditional anniversary list. But of course, the seventh anniversary is “wool and copper.” WTF? I have no idea what to get him that would be wool (we live in Houston) or copper (pennies???).

About 500 of you stop by each week, so I know one person has the idea I am looking for! You have until Monday, so think hard and post as many ideas as you like. If I choose your idea, I will send you a $25 gift card.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

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Oh, where to start? Let’s see. First, WTF is up with this poor dog? Notice a problem? I didn’t. (WTF is wrong with my sense of observation?)


Hubby: Hey, what’s up with the dog?
Me: What do you mean?
Hubby: He is missing an arm.
Me: Shut up.
Hubby: No, really Rhonda. He only has one arm.
Me: Uh. Well. Ummm. Yeah. I didn’t notice that.
Hubby: (Uncontrollable laughter)

The only thing that makes me feel better is that my father (who brought over the three-legged dog) didn’t notice either. So WTF is up with accidentally leaving an arm off this little guy. It was never there…there is no rip where an arm used to be, so I guess they just forgot?

So yesterday was Earth Day (hooray for you, Earth!) and I received this in the mail from Container Store.

A very nice accordion brochure about buying eco-friendly products and “leaving less behind.” WTF, Container Store? Doesn’t this fancy brochure kind of miss the point? Maybe you should have emailed me this information and saved some paper in honor of Earth Day??!

Finally, WTF is up with this hat? That CAN’T be cooling him off. A nice, sheet metal hat on an 80-degree day!

End of a Hair-a

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It’s been many years since I have done more than trim my hair. I decided when I got pregnant with Scarlett that I would grow it as long as possible and then cut it for Locks of Love. Well, Scarlett turned seven months old last week, and my hair was still going strong. So I made an appointment. No big deal, right?

Not exactly. As I got closer and closer to the salon, I started having a panic attack…frantically calling my closest friends for the mental shove I needed. Of course I couldn’t get anyone on the phone, so I sat in the parking lot, not sure I could even go in. (I had no idea I was so attached to my hair! No pun intended.) After several arguments with myself, I finally got a grip and realized the whole point was to help a child who has lost ALL of his or her hair and there I was freaking out about just cutting mine. So I sucked it up, put on my big girl panties, and went inside.

Rhonda before:


One pair of scissors, one cocktail, and 15 minutes later…Rhonda after:

So a 12″ ponytail will be on it’s way to Locks of Love on Monday. If you want to know more about it, visit www.locksoflove.org.

And big kudos to my friend Nam who did the exact same thing last week. She was even excited about her new, sassy haircut, so she gets an extra thumbs up for not being a big cry baby.