WTF Wednesday

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The first WTF of the year! And I am so excited NOT to be talking about illness!

Remember when the McDonald’s “Sauce Policy” made WTF Wednesday? Well now we have the Sonic ketchup policy. So you have to buy the “Sonic” size to get three little ketchup packets. I like a lot of ketchup, so that crap will not fly. And personally, I think they need a seperate policy for tater tots, because obviously those require more ketchup.

Silly Cosmo is at it again. I might start having a WTF Wednesday dedicated just to them every month. So apparently our collective breasts called and they need some pampering. I find this hysterical because my breasts are the last body part that would be calling for some “pampering” — right after my feet, back, heck, even my colon would call before my breasts. I’m starting to think that Cosmo is run by men.

And finally, I took this photo at Target on December 30. That’s right. Valentine’s cookies for sale before the new year arrived. WTF? Who is even thinking about Valentine’s Day now, much less last week? I love Target, but sometimes I wonder about their marketing department.

Happy holidays!

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Hey everyone! Thanks for all the notes and offers of help during what was an incredibly trying time. Dan has mostly recovered, and so has Scarlett (did I mention here that she wound up with pneumonia too?), so hopefully life will get back to normal next week when school starts again.

Christmas was great. Even though I only had a week to buy all the gifts, wrap everything, decorate the house and do the shopping for Christmas lunch, somehow it all came together and the day was very — merry. And even though I have been off work for nine days, things haven’t been too tense, except for the occasional fight-to-the-death between Anabella and Scarlett. (are sisters always like this??) However, it appears that a few of Dan’s little “sayings” have rubbed off on my otherwise nearly perfect little three-year-old child during all the quality time we have spent together.

I am laying in bed and Scarlett is next to me watching a cartoon. She notices that I am on my cell phone and says “Mommy, I want to play my mouse game.”

Me: “I’m on the phone right now, but you can play when I am done.”

Scarlett (with a very serious face): “If you don’t let me play my mouse game, I am going to smack your ass.”

Nice job, daddy. Can’t wait until she pulls that out in school next week.

WTF? Wednesday

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I know you are all probably wondering WTF has happened to me. Well, this is day 19 of Dan having pneumonia. So I’ve been a single parent and nurse for almost three weeks. And yes, it is kicking my ass. (Huge kudos to all the single parents in the world — I have no idea how you do it.) And, of course, I am beyond worried about Dan. He is having a catscan of his chest today, so hopefully that will give us some answers. More later …

WTF? Wednesday

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I’m so annoyed by the little things this week. My first WTF is that our home has been completely invaded by ants. Is this happening to anyone else in Houston? We put the granule stuff on the beds we found, and all around the perimeter of the house, then we bought the little ant hotels (the child-safe ones) and put those in the high ant-traffic areas. But they won’t go away. They just move around. Yesterday I sat down on the tub surround while getting dressed and a few of the little bastards got into my undies and bit me on the ass. WTF?! I’m way over the ants and welcome any suggestions. Oh, and the dog keeps trying to eat the ant hotels.

I’m also constantly thinking “WTF?” this week when it comes to my car and all of its fabulous technology.

The stupid electronic tire gauge has lost it’s effing mind. Every morning when I get up, it gives me a red warning that all my tires are too low. When I come out of my office in the afternoon, it gives me another crazy red warning that all my tired are over inflated.

WTF? Is this really smart technology? I know it’s the 20-degree difference in our morning and afternoon temperatures at the moment, but what am I supposed to do? Put air in my tires every morning and let some out every night. That’s incredibly convenient. And I’m also really sick of the little exclamation mark that never goes away. Shut up already, car!

Halloween – a little late.

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Here they are — SuperGirl and Minnie Mouse.

We had some friends come over to go trick-or-treating with us — mostly princesses. All adorable.

A good time was had by all.

P.S. Am I the only person who is so over the high school kids who go trick-or-treating with no costume and a plastic grocery store bag?!

WTF? Wednesday

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A media issue I recently handled at work involved New York’s Office of Unclaimed Property. Afterward, for no reason in particular, I decided to see if Texas had a similar office — and we do (www.window.state.tx.us/up/) . Of course I searched my name, and lo and behold, I have unclaimed funds. Woohoo!

Then I saw the amount and was more than a little disappointed.

(Click to enlarge)

ONE cent? WTF? Who the f*ck would even put that in a database? Poor Rhonda is owed $0.01 by University of Houston.

Then I remembered exactly what that penny was about. It was a semester when I dropped a class and that was my tuition “refund.” In fact, even in 1996 I knew that was a WTF? moment and had saved the check because I thought it was so ridiculous.

After a little searching, I present to you my check for one penny.

As ridiculous as this all is, I have found a way to pay it forward — the website allows you to donate your unclaimed funds to charity.

Hopefully this penny issue is resolved forever … although I am sure the charity will be completely underwhelmed by my generosity and will probably have a WTF? moment themselves when they get the check for one penny. HA!

WTF? Wednesday

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Yes, I know I should be ashamed for taking photos while driving, but this HAD to be documented. Please click on the picture to see it larger — then notice what is written on the back of the tank.

“Haulin’ Liquid Chicken” WTF is that? Seriously. LIQUID chicken? So of course I googled it and came across all kinds of interesting things. There’s a band named Liquid Chicken. Urban Dictionary has a listing for “liquid chicken” (eggs). There are several strange videos on YouTube that reference liquid chicken products. Knorr makes a bottled liquid chicken flavor. There’s a liquid chicken fertilizer.

There were also lots of pictures and blog posts about similar trucks (but not this one, so it’s scary that there is a fleet of Liquid Chicken trucks). The thing that threw me off was that all of their photos showed the word “Inedible” somewhere. Mine doesn’t. So I guess it was edible liquid chicken? After visiting several blogs, there still doesn’t seem to be an answer for what is in that tanker.

On a recent trip to Sam’s Club, I came across this gem.

Anti-Money Butt? WTF is monkey butt?

The thing that really intrigued me was the “For Butt Busting Activities” part on the box. So, back to Google to find their website. Here is what they describe as butt-busting activities … truck driving, motorcycling, bicycling, horse back riding, and extreme sports. Any other activities that give you monkey butt?

WTF? Wednesday

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I had a few awesome WTF? pictures to share today, but they will have to wait, as we have more tooth drama to discuss.

Anabella had a lose tooth last night – right next to the other tooth she lost on the bottom. You remember that one. The one that just disappeared at school. The one that never made it home. The one that wasn’t worthy of a note. The first tooth lost that I will never see.

Well, she wakes up this morning and the second tooth has fallen out. But it is no where to be found. Not in the bed, not on the floor. I’m guessing she swallowed it in her sleep?

WTF?

Seriously, I am so pissed about this. We are totally being screwed out of the whole tooth fairy experience. So I guess the tooth fairy is going to come tonight anyway. And leave a note? What do I do?

If I hear “mommy” one more time …

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Dan was out of town last week, and now I know why I can never get divorced — my children are quite a handful! No time to blog, no time to sleep. I was lucky to get a shower every day.

Anabella came down with strep throat on Monday (the day after he left), and that was a good indication on how the rest of my week was going to go. It’s not that I can’t handle being alone with my own kids, it’s just non-stop with those two. And when it’s just me, I’m the only cook, waiter, referee, maid, bather/hair washer, boo-boo kisser, retriever/finder of things, etc. And it didn’t help that Anabella is the World’s Most Demanding Patient.

“Mommy, I need more ice.”
“Mommy, can you re-cover me?”
“Mommy, please fast forward.”
“Mommy, my arm hurts.”
“Mommy, I don’t want Scarlett to talk to me.”

And for two nights, these demands went on all through the night, in bed, next to me, like a little drill sergeant.

On Wednesday, I decided to play a fun game (because that’s what you do when you have no adults to talk to!) and count how many times Anabella and Scarlett said “mommy.” Between 6 and 8:45 p.m. the word “mommy” was spoken, screamed or cried 79 times. 79!

Luckily, Dan let me have lots of alone and nap time over the weekend, so I have mostly recovered from the ordeal and can get things back on track here and IRL.

See you tomorrow for WTF? Wednesday!

WTF? Wednesday

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Last week our friend Omar sent me a tweet that said “in a training class taught by someone from Houston. ‘Everyone drives angry in Houston.'” Being the Queen of Road Rage, I can say that is totally true.

But today on my commute in, my fellow drivers were more SCARY than angry. WTF is up with these people? (click the photos to get a better view)


Mr. Not one, but two grim reapers on my truck.



Ms. You won’t notice these are bullet holes in my door if I cover them with duct tape, right?