I am walking into the building from lunch today, and as I scan my badge to open the security gate, the very large man coming in the gate next to me looks over and says, “You look like candy.”

Me: (confused face, followed fairly quickly by dirty look)

VLM: I mean you look like one of those candies. The peanut butter ones.

Me: (F-U look) Oh, okay. haha

Me in my mind: What the f*ck, VLM? Why would you say that to me? Don’t you know I can never wear this jacket again without thinking I look like a peanut butter bar? Do you realize I JUST bought this jacket and it wasn’t cheap? WTF is WRONG with you men?!

Me:

Peanut Butter Bars:

I really don’t see a resemblance.

EXHIBIT A

I found this in my husband’s carry-on bag today.

But Rhonda, you are thinking, we already knew your husband was a wino. Yes, this is true, and I am right there with him, but if you look closely, I said I found it in his CARRY-ON BAG. Meaning, he carried it on a PLANE with him.

WTF, TSA? Not only is this very scary, but it makes my 8-ounce bottle of formula (which you confiscated) look pretty non-threatening comparatively, don’t cha think?

I guess they have officially run out of ideas for movies. (Kathy — Don’t get mad at me for bashing it…I know this will be your mostest favorite movie E.V.E.R.)



Bring it on, little dog. I had TWO large coffees today.