Things That Are Cool About Going Back To Work
1. Not only do I get to use the restroom alone and without being screamed at by the 10-month-old hellion who is locked behind the gate, I also get to pick my flush.
“UP for #1” or “DOWN for #2”. Who knew that #1 and #2 were now the official, workplace terminology?!
And the bonus is that I don’t have to teeter unsteadily on one heel to flush with my foot, because the handle is “coated to protect against germs.” Hooray!
I am going to back to work…tomorrow. It’s been three years since I’ve worked full time, and almost eight years since I worked in Corporate America, so I think I might be in for quite a shock.
In addition to my sadness about leaving the girls (and the little company I have built), and not being 100% certain this is the right thing to do, I have also been completely traumatized by shopping for work clothes this past week. You would think getting a whole new “non-mommy” wardrobe would be fun, but I would have enjoyed myself more if I had been dining on glass and sipping antifreeze. But I muddled through and spent all day Friday shopping for shoes, which got my spirits back up.
So, wish me luck. I’m not going to mention the company (unless you can guarantee I will reap fame and wealth like Dooce), but I am very excited about the job (public relations and corporate communications) and it seems like a great place to work.
Here’s hoping I can drag my a** out of bed on time, and that I don’t go road-ragetastic on someone first thing in the morning!
Anabella has been talking about monsters a lot lately (but not in an “I’m scared” kind of way), so I have been working very hard to assure her that monsters aren’t something to be afraid of.
However, something has happened in my subconscious, because I am suddenly afraid of everything. The other night I was brushing my teeth and when I looked up into the mirror, I saw Dan and screamed. But since I had a mouth full of toothpaste, it was more of a open-mouthed gargle that sent toothpaste all over the counter and mirror. He thought it was hysterical, but I was all like “WTF?” When did I turn into such a p*ssygirl?
Then tonight, I opened the front door to pull a flyer off the door handle, and a medium-sized spider falls onto the floor. I HATE spiders, so I stepped on him. But when I pulled my foot back, a 100 tiny spiders scattered across the floor. I screamed so loud that the neighbor walking across the street ran over and immediately helped me river dance on all those little guys. (thank goodness for cool, spider-hatin neighbors) The way my heart was racing you would think a boa constrictor just popped out of the closet.
So clearly I need help, because I just walked into the bathroom, turned on the light and let out a shriek so loud that Dan came running from the second floor, opposite side of the house. Here’s the scary monster in the bathroom.
BOO! It’s Dora the Mermaid!
On this day, three years ago, I was scared to death of something that barely weighed six pounds. But we had great moments together right from the start, including this one when she was less than a day old. It was 3:00 a.m. and she was just starring at me, sucking on her little fingers, with a look on her face that said “it’s going to fine, mommy.”
She had a passport when she was five months old and her first stamp was from the Bahamas. She got sick almost as soon as we got there, but she loved the sand and the water, just like mommy and daddy.
Once she was crawling, it was always a challenge. She was into everything, including Winston’s butt hole (thus the boxer shorts).
But we always had a lot of fun, and being able to work from home was a blessing in more ways than I understood.
She slowly turned into a little person…with a head full of curly hair and a big smile.
And she made even the silly holidays fun and something to look forward to…
Not only did she turn us into a family, but she helped Dan and me find the joy in the small things in life.
And she impressed me with her ability to go from the only child to a loving and tender big sister (after six months of hell, of course!).
So happy birthday, my beautiful, sensitive, funny, energetic, opinionated, and big-hearted little girl. You have changed my life and filled my heart in ways I can not even describe. You are the most incredible gift I have ever received.
Last week I decided to shop my car insurance around. I didn’t really have a reason, I just suddenly felt like we were paying too much. Today, I have the results. Of the 12 companies that sent me rates….
We have clearly been repeatedly bent over by our current company. WTF, GEICO?!!
How is it possible that everyone else was HALF of what you have been charging me? Did my husband sleep with your high school girlfriend? Did I say something rude about your penis at a cocktail party? Because this feels really, really personal. And when I called to find out WTF your problem is, your only response was “hmmm, that is substantially less expensive.” You think?
Screw you and your lizard too!
P.S. In case you were curious, Liberty Mutual and AIG were both ONE THIRD of what I am paying…or should I say WAS paying before 12:01 a.m. today.
Has anyone figured out WTF goes on in the mind of a three year old? The two’s were pretty crazy…with the new baby and lots of temper tantrums and such…but as we approach three, I find that I am completely baffled by Anabella about 50% of the time.
Yes, indeed. Little Ms. Scarlett has taken her first steps at the ripe old age of 9 months. Can you frickin’ believe that?
Scarlett practicing for her learner’s permit.WTF is up with this hair???
I was mortified to see that someone posted this on my high school reunion website over the weekend. WTF were we thinking with our 80’s hair? That has to be like 4″ of bangs! I probably killed several layers of ozone just spraying that mess into place.
So I guess I will be unrecognizable at my reunion next month without my retaining wall of hair.
As Dan and I were parking the car to go to dinner last Saturday night, I looked out the windshield and saw this…
Dan was all “okay, let’s go in” and I’m like “uh, shouldn’t we wait and see where that thing goes??” Men.
Anyway, I’ve seen lots of hurricanes and flooding living here in Houston, but never an almost-tornado up close and personal like that. Luckily it didn’t gain force, or turn into anything destructive, but it did scare the crap out of me for a few minutes.