Seriously. Kindergarten is kicking our family’s collective ass. Between cut shoelaces, parent-teacher conferences (Anabella wasn’t “finishing projects” by day 6), HOMEWORK (OMG, so much homework!), morning meltdowns, evening meltdowns – I want to snatch her out and put her back in our sweet little Mother’s Day Out program.

That is our happy place where things were FUN and you could wear what you wanted and you weren’t expected to be a little academic rock star in 7 days. The only thing keeping me sane is that several people are having similar experiences, not that it makes it better, but at least I know it’s not just us.

I have a picture of me from kindergarten — dressed in a cute green dress, standing next to my BFF Cindy, holding my Banana Splits lunch box, looking oh so happy. WTF happened to THAT kindergarten??

Saw this display while shopping for school clothes.

Really, Macy’s? Someone surely “got” the inside joke, right? It doesn’t bother me on a moral level or anything — I just expect to see “kitty” panties at a different kind of store. Anabella was the one who pointed them out, because she thought it was really funny. Thank goodness she didn’t ask for a pair.

My mom accidentally bought her some sweatpants last year that had a cat’s face on the butt. Anabella tried to wear them backwards so many times that I finally had to toss the damn things. These are the things you just aren’t prepared for by any parenting books.

It’s official … my first born is a big girl. Let’s take a moment.

I actually took several today. Thinking about her as a baby, thinking about her as a toddler, thinking about her being all alone in a BIG school, not knowing anyone. AHHHHH!

Of course, she was ecstatic. Loved putting on new clothes and shoes. Totally ready for action.

She wasn’t even upset when they had her doing work as soon as she sat down. (While in my head it was “geesh! can’t we just come in and have some fun on the first day?!”)

You can safely conclude that Anabella was great. Mommy was a mess.

To make a long day even longer, Dan picked her up from school, and left his cell at home. So while I am calling and texting, trying to get an update, they are at McDonald’s, then eating ice cream, then playing in the rain. (WTF, DAN?!)

I finally get the scoop at dinner time. She really likes school. They colored and used their scissors. She knows her teacher’s name, but she can’t remember any of her friends’ names. They played on the playground. There was some trauma over a glue stick that apparently might be my fault. She had fun in the cafeteria and she likes the water fountains. (Don’t you love how random kids can be?)

But the most interesting tidbit came as I was tucking her in.

Anabella: Are we in jail?
Me: No, we are at home.
Anabella: But are some people in jail?
Me: Yes, some people are in jail.
Anabella: Because they are bad.
Me: Yes. Where did you hear about jail?
Anabella: At school.

And so it begins.

Here it is 2 a.m. and I’m awake. I’ve been feeling slightly off – not quite crazy, but definitely off my game – for a few days now. Not sure if it’s just the medicine I’m taking (Prednisone for my Crohn’s … we have a love/hate relationship) or some combo of the meds with the general craziness in my life at the moment (work is beyond busy, Anabella is starting kindergarten on Monday, which has my emotions all over the place, etc. etc.), but I’m just not myself.

Tomorrow I am meeting several of my fabulous girlfriends for a movie (Eat Pray Love) and brunch, so hopefully that will snap me back into my normal frame of mind. Sometimes a little escape is all it takes, right?

Despite my weird mood, the girls have been highly entertaining this weekend. Anabella has a new-found love of knock-knock jokes. She doesn’t always deliver the punch line correctly, but she is perfecting her act. I’m sure it will make her very popular in kindergarten.

And Scarlett is suddenly a singing machine. She puts her own spin on things by singing in a throaty, angry tone. She’s going through her grunge period. Picture Kurt Cobain singing Wheels on the Bus. That’s Scarlett.

I try not to talk about work or work-related things here, just cause that’s mostly boring if you don’t work with me, but today I can’t help myself. There is a person at my office that truly makes me slap my forehead and think “WTF? WTF? WTF?” at least once every few weeks.

She seems like she has redeeming qualities, in that she’s not like a total evil doer in general (I don’t expect she would boil your bunny, but then again, who knows!), but at the office, she is truly a nightmare. She’s self-serving, manipulative, sneaky — and today, just plain disrespectful to some wonderful, hard-working people who in no way deserved it. I enjoy where I work, the people I work with, and I love the things I do, and yet when this woman becomes involved, she sucks the joy out of everything.

WTF is up with people like this? So worried about themselves and their job security that they will make everyone else miserable just to survive? I mean really, aren’t things hard enough in life as it is?

So I beat the crap out of our Slam Man tonight, and am feeling a little better. And yet, I still hope she is having nightmares this evening. Or maybe even has an intestinal disorder. Or a big zit for tomorrow.