Back in 2005 when I had Anabella, I joined a local “moms” club to make some friends (meaning find some people who were going nutso like I was). When the group found out I was a communications consultant, I was immediately roped into taking over the club’s newsletter. When they sent me the WORD file, the whole thing was done in Comic Sans. From that point forward, I developed a serious aversion to the font. The sign above could have been written by me. It wasn’t, but I totally get it.

I also recently came across this post about Comic Sans on McSweeny’s. I almost peed myself. Read it.

The bleeding of my bank account that is. Have you ever had one of those weeks when money acts like you have a BO problem? Mine can’t get away from me fast enough at the moment. First, our cat Deuce falls deathly illl last week. Complete blockage of the bladder and near kidney failure. Three days in kitty ICU = $1,200. Then our AC downstairs breaks down Saturday night. One fan motor = $660. (Me, Anabella and two cats sleeping in a twin bed upstairs = priceless. And also sleepless.)

Now my car is pissed because it wants to be serviced and keeps dinging at me and telling me “you are 100 miles past service” so I called the dealer to make an appointment. Service for my bitchy little car – $500.

UNCLE!

In the past few weeks, I have encountered several people who made me want to punch them in the face, including:

– The checkout lady at Party City who asked me if I was having twins. When I said “no,” she replied “but you are so BIG.” Yes, yes I am, f*ck you very much.
– The woman giving me a pedicure last weekend who said she didn’t even notice I was pregnant…apparently, she just thought I was wicked fat.
– The mother at Chick-fil-a who wouldn’t control her daughter (or even watch her for that matter), who insisted on pulling and pushing my daughter around (and my friend’s twin daughters) in the play area. I finally had to ask her daughter to quit manhandling them myself. Argh.

Then there are the people that I imagined doing something evil to me:
– The cashier at Chick-fil-a who I thought was giving me flack over ordering a coke, but who was actually just concerned because I was holding my stomach (it’s sort of an arm rest these days).
– The woman who kept staring to the point that I almost asked “what the f*ck is your problem?” Before I blurted it out, she said “you look so radiant.”

Man, what is wrong with me? Shouldn’t I be all glowing and nesting and whatever? Instead, I’m acting like I am in in training to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion.

Please go take a look at my profile and tell me how my age became TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY?!!!! That is not even funny, Blogger.

I intend to change it, but I just wanted to give you all a chance to see it and be outraged first.

Exhibit 4 – EVERYONE has a something to tell me

I can’t drive down the street or drink a cup of coffee without someone taking the opportunity to give me some crazy/pointless/inspirational/unintelligible/marketing/doomsday message. See some examples (taken just this week) below:

Exhibit 2 – The diaper-wearing astronaut and the teenagers who baked a puppy

Do I really need to pull out the soapbox for either of these stories? The reason why I think these two stories further exhibit the downward spiral of society (beyond the obvious, of course) is that 1.) wearing a diaper so you can kill someone faster takes a special kind of crazy, especially when you are one of an “elite” group of people who are loved and admired by people everywhere. I mean really, who hates astronauts? And, 2.) BAKING a puppy, and then showing it to neighborhood children, shows a complete absence of a heart. I would really like to know more about the parents who raised these two monsters.

Here’s a blog on the whole ordeal, if you are interested in making yourself feel bad. http://georgiapuppytorture.blogspot.com/

1. They cost so friggin much.
2. I don’t have a choice on whether or not I am going to buy them. (And I don’t seem to get much choice on when I buy them either.)
3. They don’t make my butt look smaller or my legs look longer.
4. They are ugly. Maybe if they came in pink I wouldn’t mind spending $1,700 on four of them! (I could be sporting 3 or 4 killer new purses with that kind of cash.)
5. Every time I look at them, I think of all the other fun things I could have done with that money.

I also hate spending my money on MUD taxes, medical deductibles, and printer toner.

What “necessities” do you hate spending money on?