In a dark corner holding herself in the fetal position? Not yet.

BIG kudos to all of you ladies out there who have managed a toddler and a newborn. I know it’s not impossible and yet, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. So the reason I haven’t been posting much is because every “free” minute is used to make me feel sane again…by doing things like showering, eating and going to the restroom.

The highlight of this past week was finding my second gray hair. There it was sticking straight out from my temple. (The first showed up after I got married…and now this one appears once my sweet Anabella hits her terrible twos. No coincedence there.) Of course, I got right to work ridding myself of it, but unfortuately several innocent red hairs died in the process. Why are those little gray ones so hard to pull? Anyway, Dan put his fabulous spin on it.

Me: I can’t believe I have a second gray hair! I’m only 37.

Dan: Well, at least it’s not down there.

Me: Yes, that is quite a relief.

So, Here’s the stats, in case anyone besides me is interested:

Times I’ve been projectile puked on: 4
Number of times I was fully dressed and ready to leave the house when it happened: 2
Times I’ve been peed on while changing a diaper: 3
Pounds lost: 37
Number of things I have bought off infomercials: 0 (only becuase I haven’t had the energy to find my credit card.
Number of cold showers for Anabella after playing with poop: ZERO! Thank you for small miracles. However, she does have a new “trick”, which I will tell you all about tomorrow.

Oh, and did I mention that we all fighting off a cold? Lovely.

I know I promised a pic and post by last Thursday, but apparently I was high on hormones. I forgot just how much having a baby kicks your ass. But I digress….

INTRODUCING….Scarlett Mae!!

Turns out that she was a big baby (thank goodness!). She weighed in at 8 pounds and 14 ounces. She’s a total sweetheart, and a very good baby so far (knocking on wood), I just didn’t realize the challenge I was facing coupling new baby/sleep deprivation with trying to maintain a happy relationship with my two year old. She’s lost it several times, and I was not at all prepared for the feelings of guilt, sadness, etc.

But other than that, everything is GREAT. Ha!

And thanks for all the notes….I really appreciate it. If you leave a comment on this post, you can be a part of Scarlett’s permanent record. (I am going to print it out and put it in her baby book. So keep it clean people.)

Well, between all of my pregnancy complaints and PoopGate 2007, I have still managed to find extreme joy this past week.

My new luv-er, Mr. iPhone
The hubby bought me an iPhone as a “thanks for having my baby” gift. I have to give him major kudos, because it almost makes the acid reflux, lack of sleep, weight gain, itchy rash, and numerous other maladies worthwhile. Mr. iPhone has all kinds of fabulous tricks up his sleeve, and playing with him is an almost orgasmic experience. If you have an inclination to buy one, especially now that the price has been lowered, I say “DO IT!” Mr. iPhone will rock your world.

Flipping Out
TV is finally coming back. I know a lot of you are “too busy” or “too smart” to watch TV, but I’m not. I love TV, especially the entertaining and mostly mindless stuff. My favorite show of the moment is “Flipping Out” on Bravo. It’s the perfect combo of home improvement and reality. Jeff flips gorgeous multi-million dollars houses in California, but he also has OCD, ADHD, narcissistic personality disorder, and anger management issues. What could be more perfect? Oh yeah, he’s good looking and gay and has a flock of assistants that are non-stop entertaining. So you get cool house ideas coupled with a totally fabulous nut job who says stuff like this…

(Putting in his drink order at lunch) “Ideally, I’d like 75% lemonade, 10% fruit punch and 15% Sprite. If they don’t have lemonade, then do 75% fruit punch and 25% Sprite. If they don’t have fruit punch, then do 75% lemonade and 25% Sprite.” The final episode aired last night, but they are replaying the entire season, so check it out. I promise it will not disappoint.

Half-naked, headless men
I saw this billboard recently, and not only did I nearly wreck trying to get a good look (Way to go, Abercrombie! Finally, some decent female porn.), but then my friend Kelly tells me this is the view from her new office. Lucky bitch. I know the picture isn’t great, but you get the idea. A perfect, but headless body…genius.

Think there is any chance I can convince Abercrombie & Fitch to put one in my backyard so I have something to look at over the next 6 to 8 weeks? I mean, besides my sweet, new baby (who will be here in just 5 days!) of course.

Less than 3 weeks to go, and….

1. We still don’t have a name.
2. I’ve never felt more lethargic in my entire life. (all I have been doing is reading and watching TV…and everything makes me cry!)
3. I am so OVER being pregnant that I am now looking forward to actually having this baby….sleep be damned.
4. I realized this week that I kind of miss booze.
5. I have plenty of other things to blog about…I just haven’t. I promise to get off my a** and write about something besides me, me, me (and this baby) tomorrow.

It’s the end of an era. We sold the Hummer over the weekend, and I hate to admit it, but we are both going through a bit of a mourning period. It was a fairly impractical vehicle, especially with another baby due on the scene soon, but we both really loved that thing. It was the last remnant from our carefree days (meaning before kids), it was fun to drive (scaring people and feeling powerful is FUN), and it was a vehicle we both dreamed of owning in our teenage years…so it was like a little gas-guzzling dream come true.

So farewell, Hummer. You will be greatly missed!

I guess the good news is that now we only own 2 of the very bad, earth-killing things in this photo (according to Al Gore and No Cool Story).

On the baby naming front, what do yal think of the name Marielle?

That has been my general attitude this week.

Only 4 weeks to go, and as you other moms know, I am in hell. Between acid reflux and getting seriously punched in the bladder all night long, I am getting very little sleep. Nothing fits except t-shirts and sweats. Oh, and I really haven’t done anything to prepare for this baby. It’s such a weird extreme from my first child that I think I might be in total denial that I am even having a child in the immediate future.

I’ve also been informed that this baby will be larger than my last. Apparently she will be over 8 pounds, which doesn’t bother or upset me, except when the news is delivered something like this…

Doctor: Hi there! I see from the ultrasound photos that this is going to be ONE BIG BABY.

It’s almost as bad as someone asking if you are having twins when you aren’t.

Anyway, the naming game continues on, but now my husband just points out words that rhyme with whatever name I suggest…

Me: Carys?

Him: Like “terrace?”

Me: Yes, so?

Him: (Laughter)

Me: I might kill you soon.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about this week are my recent pregnancy dreams. I’ve had very bizarre dreams for several months (being pregnant with Elvis’ baby…having a friend see me naked and then pee on my bathroom floor…just generally unnerving stuff), but this week I had a great dream.

I was married to the guy I had a crush on in high school (the handsome, popular, sweet guy that everyone liked, who is probably managing a Dairy Queen now). I drove a red, convertible Jag, and I was as pregnant as I am now, but I was so thin that no one could tell. Oh, and all the high school people were there fawning all over me. Excellent.

Because our naming conversations go something like this:

Me: I found a pretty Irish name that I like.

Him: What is it?

Me: Shaeleigh.

Him: I hate it.

Me: Ok. What do you think of Danica?

Him: I don’t.

Me: I see. Well, Halle suggested the name Claire.

Him: If you put an “e” in front of that, she will be a tasty treat.

I’m not totally freaking out yet, but this baby will be here in 7 weeks and we still have not decided on a name. So, I’m taking it to my bloggy peeps.

Please help me think of a name for this new baby girl! And if I use your suggestion, I will send you a $50 gift card to Bed, Bath & Beyond or Best Buy…your choice.

Here are some guidelines…

1. Our last name is very generic and only one syllable (e.g. Smith), so the first name should be something long and multi-syllabic.

2. I like unusual, but not weird. (No Apple, Tallulah, etc.)My first daughter’s name is Anabella and I really like that we have yet to meet another little girl with her name.

3. No names that have been in the “top 10” within the last 10 years. Here’s a listing of those. http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

4. We have been kicking around the names “Danni” and “Sterling,” so if you can think of a cool first/middle name to go with one of those…that meets my “how it sounds and flows” approval…you will win the gift certificate.

5. Foreign names are good, but please refer to #2.

6. If I choose your name, you can be this child’s unofficial God parent…feel free to send gifts and money on all the major holidays. ha!

I look forward to seeing what you guys come up with!

Okay, I know this is an awful photo, but it was taken with my cell phone and it had to look like I was taking a photo of my daughter, so you are just going to have to use your imagination.

The conversation with my husband went something like this…

Him: What are you doing?

Me: Taking a photo of Anabella (wink).

Him: Okay.

After the other patron in question left…

Him: Okay, now what were you really taking a photo of?

Me: That guy’s tattoo…I’ve never seen anything like it.

Him: It was just a naked girl or something.

Me: Um, no. It was a naked man, riding a rocket, and waving his hand in the air like a cowboy.

Him: Do you think he was gay?

Me: (Laughing uncontrollably) YES, I am pretty sure he was gay!

Him: Well I guess that was some pretty good advertising then.