I received this letter in the mail with my August water bill. You are more than welcome to click on the image to get a full-size, readable version, but let me sum it up for you.

Dear People who use water in Pearland —
Over FIVE months ago we started putting some crappy chemical in your water supply that will kill your fish. It will also kill you if you have kidney problems and use a dialysis machine. Good luck with that.

Sincerely,
The Dumbasses who run The City of Pearland


WTF? So, I am now curious how many fish and/or people have died so far…and what idiot didn’t think it was important to send this out, oh I don’t know, maybe BEFORE they made the change?

I have my first major complaint since being back in the Corporate world. There is some inconsiderate nincompoop sitting in a cube far, far away, that insists on popping their gum at random times during the day.

WTF, coworker? Surely you know how annoying that is. Surely you realize we can ALL hear you. Surely you are pissing off the people who sit within the vicinity of your cube, not just me, the person way down the hall. (And WTF, gum snapper’s neighbors? Grow some cahones and say something, please!)

Got any annoying office behavior to share with me?

I am walking into the building from lunch today, and as I scan my badge to open the security gate, the very large man coming in the gate next to me looks over and says, “You look like candy.”

Me: (confused face, followed fairly quickly by dirty look)

VLM: I mean you look like one of those candies. The peanut butter ones.

Me: (F-U look) Oh, okay. haha

Me in my mind: What the f*ck, VLM? Why would you say that to me? Don’t you know I can never wear this jacket again without thinking I look like a peanut butter bar? Do you realize I JUST bought this jacket and it wasn’t cheap? WTF is WRONG with you men?!

Me:

Peanut Butter Bars:

I really don’t see a resemblance.

EXHIBIT A

I found this in my husband’s carry-on bag today.

But Rhonda, you are thinking, we already knew your husband was a wino. Yes, this is true, and I am right there with him, but if you look closely, I said I found it in his CARRY-ON BAG. Meaning, he carried it on a PLANE with him.

WTF, TSA? Not only is this very scary, but it makes my 8-ounce bottle of formula (which you confiscated) look pretty non-threatening comparatively, don’t cha think?

I guess they have officially run out of ideas for movies. (Kathy — Don’t get mad at me for bashing it…I know this will be your mostest favorite movie E.V.E.R.)



Bring it on, little dog. I had TWO large coffees today.

WTF is up with this hair???

I was mortified to see that someone posted this on my high school reunion website over the weekend. WTF were we thinking with our 80’s hair? That has to be like 4″ of bangs! I probably killed several layers of ozone just spraying that mess into place.

So I guess I will be unrecognizable at my reunion next month without my retaining wall of hair.

Yo Gagga Gagga
Okay, it is actually called Yo Gabba Gabba, but just hearing it in the background makes me want to gag. I have a pretty high tolerance for children’s television (I’ve been living with Elmo and the Wiggles for about 1-1/2 years now), but Anabella has moved on to just about every stupid cartoon on Noggin, including YGG, the most annoying show ever. (Well, Barney might still have it beat, but I refuse to ever let that show on my TV.)

So the other day I was doing dishes and Anabella was dancing around to YGG. I look over to see her doing some weird robot dance with this expression on her face.

Of course, I’m like “Anabella, what’s up with that look on your face?” And she says “I’m dancing, mommy, I’m dancing!” I look over at the TV, and sure enough, that’s the dancing face on one scary girl doing a weird robot dance.

WTF, Yo Gabba Gabba? Can’t you afford some decent animators? And please close that chick’s mouth…it’s just vulgar. And of course, Anabella thinks it the funniest thing ever now.

Death at the Pump
I would also like to know WTF is up with people trying to kill me at the gas station? A few weeks back I had an exchange with a woman who kept making cell phone calls while pumping gas. I nicely pointed to the photo of the cell phone with a big “X” through it, and she gave me a go-to-hell look and continued her conversation.

Then last week, a dude pulls up to the other side of my pump. He gets out, starts pumping, then gets back in his car and STARTS it up! As I look around the pump, because I am positive that he didn’t really do that, I see him lighting up a cigarette. Pumping gas into a running vehicle while smoking a cigarette. I totally expected him to douse us all in lighter fluid and start making cell phone calls. Geesh. WTF is wrong with people? Am I the only person who actually fears getting blown up at the gas station? I mean, someone had to die while smoking or making a phone call or whatever, or they wouldn’t have those signs, right?