Monthly Archives: December 2006

“What the F*ck” Wednesday? — How children of the 80’s got screwed

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Kids have a lot of cool things at their disposal these days…and it’s kind of annoying. (I’m not bitter, I swear.) I can’t imagine how different my high school experience would have been with a computer and the Internet. I learned to type on a typewriter. When I worked on the school newspaper, we had to cut and paste (meaning scissors and glue, kiddos!) copy onto layout boards. If you had to do research you went to the library for days on end looking through real books and encyclopedias. So, while I realize this totally dates me, and makes me feel a little old-ish, I felt the need to say something when I saw this today.

Yes, that’s right. This CHILD is learning to drive in a hot, little convertible.

Someone has lost their mind. I learned to drive in a Pontiac Bonneville…and driver’s ed was with like four other kids in the car…and not a cute car, it was some ugly four door thing. We were forced to sit there while everyone had a chance to drive. This kid is on his own, top down, just cruising in the slow lane (at 40 miles an hour, I would like to add).

What the f*ck?

Don’t Say as I Say

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Everything was perfect as I was driving my daughter to Mother’s Day Out this morning. The air was brisk, the sun was out, I had a hot coffee in hand (the new Starbuck’s has a drive-thru…hooray!), and my sweet little daughter was babbling and giggling in the back seat.

Then a man who was apparently scared of his accelerator pulls out in front of me, and insists on going very, very, VERY slooooooowwwwly. Several blocks go by, before I just totally lose it. I like to call this side of my personality Rhonda the Rage Rover.

Me: “DUDE, MOVE YOUR F*CKING CAR!!!!”

From the carseat: “DUUUUUDE!”

Of course I burst out laughing. It was like having a little Keanu Reeves back there. And while I love it when she adds a new word to her repertoire, clearly I have not come to terms with the fact that she is not only a sponge, but also a parrot. Shame on me and my potty mouth. Shame!

So it’s just a matter of time before she pulls out the f-bomb. With my luck, it will probably be at my in-laws house over Christmas.

A Story from My Checkered Past

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Long gone for me are the days of funny dating tales, but today I was reminded of a particularly funny story from my single days. I was at Target (of course) and my checkout person was named “Marcello”…a name I haven’t come across in a long time.

The last time I met a Marcello was in my early 20’s. He was a very cute Italian guy that hung out in a bar my dad was spending a lot of time in (dad was going through a very nasty mid-life thing). Marcello was funny and charismatic and sexy and my dad hated him, so he was perfect. We spent an entire evening at that dive bar talking, much to the chagrin of my father, and he finally asked me out on a date. I agreed to meet him out the next night and we had a wonderful evening…he was really easy to talk to and he was one of those guys who makes you feel like the center of the universe. So when he asked me out again, I was really excited. (My dad called twice to tell me what a tool Marcello was before our second date.)

He picked me up, we went out to dinner and a movie, and then we went back to my place. I went into the kitchen to make us a drink and Marcello hung his coat on a chair in the dining room. We sat down and started talking. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my cat Eddie is playing with something on the floor. I didn’t give it a second thought until a total look of panic crossed Marcello’s face.

Eddie had pulled a very long strand of condoms out of Marcello’s jacket and into the living room, practically throwing them at my feet. I don’t know how many were there, but it was at least 15 or 20 condoms. How ridiculous is that?

Of course I almost died from laughter, and while Marcello was laughing, I could tell he was really worried about what my next reaction was going to be. I let him know that it wasn’t a big deal, but then after more awkward conversation, I sent him on his way. I mean, geesh, it’s one thing to hope you are getting “lucky,” and then there are preposterous expectations.

So that is how my cat Eddie saved me from Marcello. (But not the Marcello at Target. He still nailed me for $175. HA!)

My First MEME, Courtesy of No Cool Story

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Thanks NCS…I feel like a real blogger now. I have my big girl pants on and I am ready to tackle this thing:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate…or better yet, a Hot Toddy

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? He WRAPS them! He’s Santa, not Scrooge! (Who doesn’t wrap their gifts??!)

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I like white, but the hubby held out for colored and I finally caved last year.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No…if I need a kiss, I just ask. Who has time to stand in a doorway until someone notices?

5. When do you put your decorations up? The week after Thanksgiving…a little at a time.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Stuffing. Stuff me with stuffing and I am a happy girl.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Going to my grandparents house. I am an only child, so it was nice to be around all the cousins and other relatives.

8. How and When did you learn the truth about Santa? I can’t remember! It must have been very traumatic for me to block it out this way.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? YES!

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? With lights and ornaments. (Is this a trick question?) No tinsel…one time I had to pull a piece out of my cat’s ass, so that was the end of tinsel in my house.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it. But, it has only snowed twice in my 30+ years in Houston, so that is probably why.

12. Can you ice skate? I can stand up and move forward on ice skates, but I have yet to master the Salchow or anything fancy like that.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My hubby bought me a beautiful white convertible one year. That rocked! I was completely surprised.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Being with the people I care about.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? PUMPKIN PIE

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? I have a group of friends that gets together for a “Secret Santa” dinner every year. It’s a nice way to celebrate with the “family” you actually got to chose. 😉

17. What tops your tree? An angel.

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? That’s kind of personal. 🙂 Ok, I prefer giving. I love buying thoughtful presents and knowing that the recipient really loves it.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Jingle Bells is good…anything upbeat.

20. What is your favorite Christmas story? The Night Before Christmas and Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer…being Rhonda the Redheaded Child, I could totally relate. I was never allowed to play reindeer games either.

I tag elasticwaistbandlady.