Category Archives: WTF

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday

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Just some photos I took around Houston this week…

1. WTF, WTF, WTF Mr. Borden Delivery Man? Why was it necessary to park across THREE handicap spots to carry in one box of stuff? Unfortunately for you, I have been quite hormonal lately and took this shot to send to your company. (The real kicker is that there were only a few cars in the parking lot…plenty of other places to park.)

2. Let me start this by saying that I am sure you are a very nice woman, and I appreciate that you love Souper Salads as much as I do. And yes, I know it is rude to take a photo on the DL while someone is eating, but I just have to know….WTF is up with the toilet paper headband, lady? (Yes, that’s right…she has toilet paper wrapped around her head.)

3. Please say it ain’t so! Kohl’s is bringin’ Jelly Shoes back? WTF? Weren’t they ugly/uncomfortable enough the first time around? And who decides what “retro” things make a second round? What’s next…parachute pants?

4. And finally, the man who was honored with one of my fabulous Target parking tickets. WTF, dude? Your redneck Truck O’Death is all decked out with gun racks, camo crap, and brush guards so you can haul dead animals around, but you need to park in two spaces because you are scared of a door ding? Please don’t do this again at high noon at the Chick-fil-a…it’s hard enough to get a space in the lot at all…and next time I might leave you more than a silly parking citation.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday — More celebrity crap

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Where to start? How about with the A**hole of the Month (officially for July, but I think he might win for August too), Michael Vick. I did a little dance when I heard that Nike and Reebok pulled his endorsements, but the celebration was over fairly quickly when I saw on CNN that he thinks this is a RACE issue. Oh, and that people are coming after him because he is “famous and wealthy.”

WTF, Michael? Are you sure it isn’t because they found like 17 dead dogs buried in your yard, along with the 50+ live dogs you had in cages? I have no idea what it is like to be a minority in America (unless you consider female a minority), and I know that many things that happen in our country are race related, but this particular issue has nothing to do with race. It has to do with being a completely heartless a**hole. If Troy Aikman got busted for this same thing, as much as it would break my heart, I would make him a**hole of the month. So please quit whining and trying to make this about something greater than just YOU being a d*ck, Michael Vick.

Ok, on to Britney Spears. WTF is up with her? I mean, I know she married a complete loser and had two children back to back (which would make any woman crazy), but it seems like she is going to go off the deep end really soon. She’s gone from attacking a car with an umbrella to throwing baby bottles and threatening to kill people. I don’t think she needs rehab, but she could definitely use some medication. Any thoughts?

Finally, OJ Simpson lost the rights to his book (hurray!). At first, I was a little put off by Ron Goldman’s family going after the publishing rights, but then I read that they want to change the name to “Confessions of a Double Murderer.” OJ actually had the nerve to be upset and call them “hypocrites.” WTF, OJ? You owe them $38 million dollars, and it was all fine and dandy when you were going to profit, but now you are mad? Ummm, okay.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday – Ladies Only Edition

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Just for you ladies! Check out the URLs below for some of the strangest “feminine” products out there.

Don’t want to wear undies, but need something between you and the crouch of your pants? Go Commando!

Sick of tampons? Now you can use a CUP to catch Aunt Flow. If this product had a better “exit” strategy…and if it was flushable…it might not seem as gross.
“Humiliated by female fishy odor?” (I swear that was the text of a Google Ad on a blog I recently visited.) Check out Femanol.
I don’t know anything about curing fishy odor, but I guess Femanol is better than using Lysol as a douche. WTF is up with that?!

And finally, WTF is up with Always Maxipad commercials? Granted, I haven’t had a cycle in 8 months, being knocked up and all, but I still find myself wanting to hurt the person (MAN) who is responsible for their marketing campaign. There’s nothing like having that time of the month compared to a fun ride on a roller coaster with the tag line of “have a happy period.”
Ummm, yeah. Clearly this person (MAN) doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to menstruate. I can honestly say that having a period is many things…inconvenient, frustrating, painful, annoying, embarrassing, but NEVER EVER “happy.” Period.
And if you want to get extra annoyed, go to the website and play some of their “HAHP” games. A**HOLES.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday — Friday Edition

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Being pregnant, I am always looking for a snack. After touring the Butterfly Museum on Wednesday, we came across a vending machine. Of course, I made a beeline over to it…just to see if anything sounded good. Well, let’s just say I was less than impressed with the selection.

Can I offer you some “Salt n Vinegar” flavored CRICKETS? How about Bacon & Cheese flavor? Sour Cream & Onion?

If none of those sound good, there is always the popular BBQ LARVETS. (EEEK)


Please tell me 1.) WTF is a larvet? and 2.) Who the f*ck eats larvets????

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday — Bush and Balls

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What the f*ck is going on with the love affair between President Bush and Albania?? According to The Associated Press, Albania issued three postage stamps with Bush’s picture and the Statue of Liberty, renamed a street in front of parliament in his honor, awarded him the highest National Flag medal, and the Fushe Kruje town council declared him an honored citizen.

This is almost as bothersome as the love fest between Bush and Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Come on, Albania. Don’t you watch the news?

Second, what is going on with the following? I took both of these pictures within the last week. I am only glad my daughter is too young to ask, “Mommy, what is that hanging on the back of that truck?”

Really now, guys. Isn’t it enough that you are constantly scratching and fondling these things all day long? Would you find it attractive if we hung a plastic vagina from our rear-view mirrors?

I didn’t think so.

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday — Nuts and Cracks

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NUTS
I was reading in my local paper yesterday about a “nut fry” in Wisconsin, which they cleverly pointed out did not have cashews or peanuts. Apparently 300 people got together to eat goat, lamb and bull testicles (and they paid $5!). Yum. My favorite part of the story is a quote from an attendee named Butch, who likes his nuts between bread with tartar sauce. According to Butch, testicles taste just like meatballs. “After a few beers, you can’t really tell the difference.” Uh huh.

CRACKS
An online version of a Houston paper recently published the top 10 passwords…sometimes it seems like the media is more about helping criminals than informing the rest of us (did you get the YouTube video about how to “tap” deadbolts?) So here you go, all you identity theft jerks. Not that you needed help cracking our incredibly clever and well-thought-out passwords.

10. (yourfirstname)
9. blink182
8. password1
7. myspace1
6. monkey (RaJ???!!)
5. letmein
4. abc123
3. qwerty
2. 123456
1. password

“What the F*ck?” Wednesday – Mean Package Makers

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We have all been through the problem of finding it nearly impossible to get into a DVD, or some electronic do-dad, or God-forbid, a toy…and I suppose there might be a reason for such tight security around a $10 iPod case…but now the Mean Package Makers have gone too far.

This is the culprit…it’s my prenatal vitamin package.


It’s looks innocent enough. Like one of those packages that you just push the pill through, right? Well, not a chance. You can’t push them through…you can’t even use something tough (like a butter knife) to push them through. I even tried leveraging one against the corner of a wall to no avail. The only way I can get one out is to cut it out with a knife. And I have to do this every evening.

So, to steal a bit from a beer commercial…here’s to you Mean Package Makers. Good job making the life of a pregnant woman just a little harder. The morning sickness, nausea and swollen limbs weren’t enough. Now the little lady feels totally helpless…and just a tad shy of crazy frustrated every night before hitting the hay with the man who put her in the position to need these pills in the first place.

“What the F*ck” Wednesday? — Killer food

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Toxic green onions, lettuce, spinach, peanut butter….and now dog and cat food. I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I am starting to wonder what’s going on. Seriously, WTF is going on? Is anyone else thinking that nothing is safe anymore? I guess the upside is that I haven’t thought about terrorists in a long time.

Anyway, this whole pet food fiasco is really alarming to me. My most beloved pet Eddie has been going through kidney failure for the last 3 weeks. His food wasn’t listed on the recall list, but it sure is a weird coincidence. And it’s probably lucky for those people, because after $1,200 and forcing his to bear daily IV fluids, pills, etc., I would be suing the f*ck out of them. And the really irritating part is that a similar thing happened in May of last year. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10771943/ I can’t believe more care isn’t taken in the preparation of food for people and animals.

Ok, on a lighter note. WTF is up with Phil Spector and his hair? He’s pleading “not guilty” right? Because this hairdo screams “I am crazy guilty!”

WTFness Everywhere!

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So much WTF going on today…I’m having a hard time deciding where to start.

First, WTF Chiquita? You didn’t tell me that my banana money was going to terrorists. I guess we are going to go apples and oranges around here for awhile.

Second, WTF WTF WTF U.S. Postal Service. Notice the postmark on this piece of mail, which I received TODAY. Feel free to take 2 months to deliver the numerous unwanted catalogs I receive every week, but please get the checks here at little sooner, A-holes. What is even more ridiculous is that this envelope was mailed from 20 miles away. And you guys want another rate hike? SHAH!


Next, there are the idiots who mailed body parts all over the U.S. How would you like to open a box that contains a head in bubble wrap? WTF? How do you manage to screw up that big?

Then there is Virgie Arthur. The mom…so loving, so concerned…so desperate to have her daughter buried near her. So what does she do at Anna Nicole’s funeral? Walks on her grave. I am no expert, but I am pretty sure that is wicked disrespectful. WTF Virgie? That behavior makes you seem just a little insincere.

Finally, Al Gore. I’m so confused, Al. The NY Times claims that you have greatly exaggerated your claims in An Inconvenient Truth. First I find out you didn’t invent the Internet, and now this? WTF Al?