Author Archives: Rhonda

WTF? Wednesday

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Parental Edition: Stop growing up so fast!
The girls were taking a bath a few days ago and Anabella announces to me that Scarlett has a boyfriend. Scarlett, who isn’t even 3 years old yet, has a boyfriend. Ummm, ok.

Anabella: Scarlett’s boyfriend is named Ethan.

Me: Really? Isn’t Scarlett a little young for a boyfriend.

Anabella: No, he is her boyfriend. And he really likes vegetables.

Me: (in my head) WTF? Am I really talking boyfriends with a 5 and a 2 year old??!?!

And the subject was dropped.

Until last night, when Scarlett grabs our home phone and brings it to me. “I want to call Ethan.”

WTF? I know kids grow up fast these days and all that crap, but who is teaching my TWO YEAR OLD that she has a boyfriend? I mean, it’s super cute when Scarlett starts talking about Ethan as soon as we get close to school — BUT it makes me feel like I now have a VERY VERY VERY long road ahead of me with two girls.

How much boy drama am I in for over the next 15 years or so??

WTF? Wednesday-ish

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Yes, it’s Thursday, but I meant to put this up yesterday.

I went to lunch at BRC yesterday. For you non-Houstonians, it’s a “gastropub” — meaning it’s pub/comfort food menu with a gourmet twist. I adore the food, and the fact that they feature a mac & cheese of the day, plus it is really close to my office.

After the meal, I excused myself to the bathroom and was PETRIFIED to discover that I could see the outline of a man who was sitting in one of the stalls. I couldn’t make out his features or see what he was up to in there, but I could see that he was sitting on the toilet, I could see his pants around his ankles, etc. WTF?? No, really. WTF??? This isn’t a crazy nightclub where things like that are shocking or cool or whatever.

I took this picture of that same guy from inside the stall I went into — I kept the lights OFF as you can tell, but you get an idea of how much you can make out. It’s not nearly as offensive when you are washing your hands obviously.

Make it stop

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The bleeding of my bank account that is. Have you ever had one of those weeks when money acts like you have a BO problem? Mine can’t get away from me fast enough at the moment. First, our cat Deuce falls deathly illl last week. Complete blockage of the bladder and near kidney failure. Three days in kitty ICU = $1,200. Then our AC downstairs breaks down Saturday night. One fan motor = $660. (Me, Anabella and two cats sleeping in a twin bed upstairs = priceless. And also sleepless.)

Now my car is pissed because it wants to be serviced and keeps dinging at me and telling me “you are 100 miles past service” so I called the dealer to make an appointment. Service for my bitchy little car – $500.

UNCLE!

WTF? Wednesday

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Hang it up, Devo
These guys made an appearance on a daytime talk show recently, and all I could focus on was their strange outfits and face/head gear. Their music wasn’t very impressive either — do they even have any other hits besides “Whip it!” ??

The Birds
So I have no issues with tattoos. I also have no qualms with birds. But this lady had the same bird tattoo in 5 places on her body. Either she is the most unoriginal tatted person ever, or this bird made a very significant impact on her life. (Sorry I couldn’t get photos of the other 3, but I was in the security line at the airport.)

Put Some Clothes On
So, I’ve seen the Naked Cowboy on Good Morning America, but I didn’t realize it was his “job.” He was in Times Square all three days I was in NYC last month. WTF? Is this really a full-time gig? If so, I guess that explains why he doesn’t have any CLOTHES.

WTF? Pet Peeve of the Week
Please someone explain to me how by any stretch of the imagination any sane person considers a Ford Expedition a COMPACT CAR???!!! WTF???

Am I still a fighter?

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This f*cking monkey doesn’t know the half of it

Appropriate, although slightly disturbing, this monkey is found at my gastroenterologist’s office. Let’s just say it’s been a rough few weeks for us both. As I’ve mentioned here before, I have Crohn’s disease — and lately, Crohn’s disease has had me. It’s had me incredibly sick, overwhelmingly sad and completely unmotivated on most days — just mad as hell on others. I try not to feel sorry for myself, because so many people in this world have things much worse, but I am so F*CKING over planning my life around the bathroom.

The interesting side of this flare-up is that I’ve never had so many conversations with God. I’ve promised some crazy stuff at 3 a.m., like not complaining about weight issues any more, just to feel normal again. I also started taking steroids (which proves I give up on being a skinny minnie) and getting intravenous injections that put me flat out for days at a time.

So that is why I haven’t been blogging much. Not that WTF? Wednesdays are the most uplifting posts, but they are better than sad posts about Crohn’s disease, right?

I will be back on Wednesday with a post — and there are some great things going on in my life despite this disease (Anabella just turned 5! I got some “press” today for my social media efforts! See … it’s not all crap! — pun intended!)

Mark another one off the bucket list

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I recently conquered my fear of public speaking! Not quite as exciting as riding in the wienermobile, but still thrilling for me in a “I’m not the big scaredy cat I thought I was” kind of way.

I was asked to present at a social media conference for financial communicators (at NASDAQ!) back. Totally thrilled, I accepted, but for some reason it was all very surreal and I didn’t think it would actually end up happening. I’ve always been scared of public speaking — not like in a meeting or in a casual setting — but up in front of a room full of people, on a stage, alone, lights blaring …

Just like this scene. But the conference rolled around last week and surprise, I was still supposed to present. Once I got up there, I wasn’t scared at all. I don’t know if it’s because I’m 40 (and fabulous) or what, but I wasn’t full of crazy nerves like I remember from my younger days. (Or maybe it was because I just don’t give a crap anymore? ha!) So it was really rewarding to conquer the beast, and I received some flattering feedback from people in the audience. And I got to participate in the NASDAQ closing bell ceremony. That alone was worth it.

Now on to my next two big fears: Spiders and walking on these …

WTF? Wednesday

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I’m back! Lots to share, but for now it’s 11:40 p.m. and I need to get a WTF? Wednesday up!

I love mopeds. My first method of transport was a moped — my first driver’s license was Class M and I had two mopeds when I was 15 (one looked like a bicycle with an engine and the other was a fancy new Honda that was made entirely of plastic). When I saw this guy driving through downtown, I thought “cool!” But then I noticed his moped had a SIDECAR. WTF?

Mopeds are dangerous enough for the driver — I can’t imagine being shackled to the side in a plastic bowl.

On a recent trip to Texas Art Supply, I came across this:

I don’t know how Jesus feels about it, but it seems a little wrong to me. When Dan and I went to the Vatican, we were shocked at the amount of crap they were willing to put the Pope’s face on. But, that’s just the Pope. This is Jesus!

Of course, I bought it anyway. We plan to move soon, so I will test the Jesus tape’s power with an experiment — put some highly breakable stuff in a box without wrapping it and see if it makes to the new house in tact. Maybe movers will be more careful if my stuff is wrapped in heavenly tape.

WTF? Wednesday – I am 40!

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Yes, I know I hardly look a day over 38, but I am now the big 4-0.

The last few weeks have been really hard on me. I’ve been engaging in lots of soul searching … questioning myself, my choices, where I am in life … all the things you ponder when you realize that you are, in fact, a middle-aged person.

But then last Friday, some of my dearest friends threw me an incredible cocktail party (thanks KB, Kim, Carol, Heather and Jeanne Marie!), and standing in a room full of amazing people, I had an AH-HA moment. It wasn’t that I was dreading 40. I was just sad about leaving an incredible decade behind.

I found myself in my 30s. I learned to trust my intuition. I became confident in my voice and my opinions. I married Dan. We traveled all over the world together. I went skydiving, and scuba diving, and I climbed the Sydney Harbor Bridge. I went to a SuperBowl and the World Series (when the Astros finally made it to the finals!). I took Dan dog sledding. We built a home together from the ground up. I became a mommy to two gorgeous little girls – a job I was never sure I would be good at, and then found I loved more than any other. I started blogging and met a new community of people through the love of writing. I finished college after many years of night school. I learned to appreciate all of the people in my life, by losing a few that I loved most. I discovered that I am always the same girl on the inside – just a little wiser and now a little older.

Standing in that room full of people that I have made true connections with over the years, helped me realize that the 40s will be even better than the 30s. It’s the same journey, but the fruit of my 30s – the friendships I have built along the way – will be going with me.

Kicking and screaming into middle age.

WTF? Wednesday

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With all the incredible magazines that have been closing their doors over the past few years, it’s nice to see that this one is still going strong. I haven’t had the chance to read “The Secret to a Successful Divorce” yet, but that seems like an inappropriate twist on the situation. Next month the feature story will be “The Secret to a Successful Release from Prison after your Bad Divorce.”

Maybe Bank of America should hire some of those unemployed magazine journalists as copyeditors, because clearly they need them! Check out this recent report they published. The headline is definitely captivating.

Dick's added and BJ's removed - I know there's a joke there.

“What the f*ck?” Wednesday

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Before I start ranting, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to Dan the man. Today is our 9th wedding anniversary and I’m really happy that he still loves me and thinks I’m hot. You rock, baby!

Next, I would like to say WTF WordPress? It took me a friggin week to figure out why I couldn’t upload pictures. Blogger is limited, but it’s way easy. I love my new site and theme, but getting out the kinks is quite time consuming. (And not as easy as all the WordPress lovers would have you believe.)

Okay, let’s move on to Jenn-Air.

Last Saturday night, I was home alone with the girls, and decided to make some tater tots to go with our dinner. When the timer buzzed, I went to open the oven door, and THE ENTIRE THING CAME OFF IN MY HAND.

Luckily I jump a lot faster than even I would have figured. I managed to get out of the way as the door, which was heated to 450 degrees, crashed to the floor. It sounded like a small explosion and sent glass flying everywhere.

Of course I was barefoot, and the girls were running around barefoot, so there was a total girly freakout next. Scarlett was crying, Anabella was repeatedly asking “what happened?!” and I was screaming at them to stay away. Once I walked through the pool of glass, and tried to figure out what to do with the steaming hot door, I realized just how f*cked up the whole situation was. Have you ever heard of this happening? WTF Jenn-Air? Really? The door just comes off? My mom has 30-year-old, total piece of crap oven in her house and its door has never just popped off. And did I mention all the little burning glass shards that left marks on my hands, feet, legs and chest. No bueno, Jenn-Air.

So now the “safety team” is deciding what to do. The company that repaired the hinges on the door in November under our extended warranty is claiming no fault, and Jenn-Air has only agreed to cover labor at this point (the parts are $600 of course). I can tell you this. There is no way in hell I am paying one penny.

This may be my biggest battle yet. Bigger than Poopgate of 2007! Stay tuned …