Remember how I got the note about Anabella cutting a shoelace? That was important enough for a note home, right? Well guess what ISN’T important enough for a note. My child losing her first tooth.
She just comes home without a tooth.
No note.
No tooth.
Nothing.
WTF, Kindergarten?
My baby turned three on Friday! THREE. Once again, I am dumbfounded by how fast time is moving. My days seem long and yet the years seem short. Is that a sign of old age?
Anyway, Scarlett had a bowling party on Saturday and as you can see by this picture, she really likes bowling.
This is my favorite picture of the day. Why is she so happy? Because that person standing behind her is ETHAN, her boyfriend, and I captured this as he walked in the door. It is crazy cute how much she and this little boy like each other.
They were inseparable — they bowled, they ate, they ran around Dave & Buster’s like maniacs, they had cake — it was a perfect birthday.
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And when she woke up this morning, the first thing she said to me was “I want to go bowling.”
Hope you all like kindergarten stories, because I feel like I am going to have a lot of them.
Last night when I got home, Dan tells me there is a note for me in Anabella’s backpack. As I pulled out her folder and read the following, she ran over, grabbed my leg and started crying hysterically.
The Invisible Man cut her shoelace. Of course, I started to laugh, but she was really upset. I’m not sure if it was a “note to your mom” comment or if she just thought I was going to be really pissed that she cut the shoelace on her new “Twinkle Toes” — but somehow I wound up feeling like a horse’s ass.
So as you can see from today’s entry, we have a teacher conference at 3:30. Guess I can inquire as to how the Invisible Man (that bastard!) was dealt with and how we can save my child from all that anxiety next time.
The other child
I don’t want Scarlett to look back at this blog in 10 years and think it was all about Anabella. This picture was taken last week — with her black eye (she fell off my bed) and her pig tails (she almost has enough hair). She demanded that I “take a picture of my tongue” – so here it is.
Anabella starts kindergarten in just two weeks! I’m excited for her (she talks about “big girl” school every day), but I’m also kind of reeling from just how fast the last five years have gone. Didn’t I just give birth to her?? People with older children always tell me that childhood goes by in the blink of an eye, and now I am starting to believe them.
My mother came over this weekend and took Anabella shopping for school clothes. My grandmother used to take me school shopping every year, and it was something we both really looked forward to. Even as she got older, and her Parkinson’s disease kept her from walking, my grandfather and I would load her into her wheelchair and head out into the craziness of the mall. She loved it.
So seeing my mom carry on that tradition with Anabella was incredibly touching. Unfortunately everything she wears has to be tan, black or blue bottoms and solid color tops, (WTF is up with the crazy dress codes?!) but she still had fun trying things on — and the highlight was the cool Keds with charms and heart shoe strings, and the new “Toy Story” panties. We really like Jessie around here. lol
We also went to lunch and had pedicures together. Mom and Anabella both got crazy bright colors and flowers painted on their big toes.
Their bond is amazing … it was one of those weekends when you really appreciate family.
Parental Edition: Stop growing up so fast!
The girls were taking a bath a few days ago and Anabella announces to me that Scarlett has a boyfriend. Scarlett, who isn’t even 3 years old yet, has a boyfriend. Ummm, ok.
Anabella: Scarlett’s boyfriend is named Ethan.
Me: Really? Isn’t Scarlett a little young for a boyfriend.
Anabella: No, he is her boyfriend. And he really likes vegetables.
Me: (in my head) WTF? Am I really talking boyfriends with a 5 and a 2 year old??!?!
And the subject was dropped.
Until last night, when Scarlett grabs our home phone and brings it to me. “I want to call Ethan.”
WTF? I know kids grow up fast these days and all that crap, but who is teaching my TWO YEAR OLD that she has a boyfriend? I mean, it’s super cute when Scarlett starts talking about Ethan as soon as we get close to school — BUT it makes me feel like I now have a VERY VERY VERY long road ahead of me with two girls.
How much boy drama am I in for over the next 15 years or so??
I don’t know WTF is going on in my life, but everywhere I turn lately, someone is speaking to me in a condescending tone. Clearly this is a peek into my future — and probably what senior citizens feel like when they are being treated like children — and I am not enjoying it.
For example, Bar 1400 has these signs hanging in every bathroom stall. The bathroom manager was either a kindergarten teacher or a technical writer in his/her previous career. Just an FYI – anyone who is old enough to be in a bar probably knows how to use a effing toilet seat cover. I don’t need tone in the toilet. Especially not when I am buzzed — it pisses me off. No pun intended.
Even my four year old has tone recently. Last week I came home from work and she was standing at the door waiting for me:
Anabella: HI MOMMY!
Me: Hey baby. I missed you! How was your day?
Anabella: You forgot to pack my ballerina clothes.
Me: Oh no. I am so sorry, Anabella. I promise to remember next time.
Anabella: That’s okay, mommy. Accidents happen. (pauses) But you need to focus. (turns and leaves)
I just stood there completely dumbfounded. Then, in my head, the tirade began …“WHAT? I need to focus? Ummm, okay, kid. Clearly you have no idea who does everything in your life. This happy little family train you ride on would have derailed a long time ago if it wasn’t for me.”
Dan smiled and said something about how cute she was. I flipped him off and went straight to the bathtub.
The very next day, I call Ticketmaster to buy tickets for the Black Eyed Peas. (I’m on a rodeo committee this year, so we had the chance to buy before they went on sale to the public.) It quickly became clear that finding four seats wasn’t going to happen …
Ticketmaster douche: The Black Eyed Peas are a very popular group, ma’am.
Me: Yes, I know. Which is why I was hoping to get tickets …
Ticketmaster douche: (clearly not listening to me) … they are a hip-hop, R&B group. They have a lot of hit songs. They are very popular.
Me: I KNOW who they are. Why do you think I am calling for tickets?
Ticketmaster douche: Oh. Well then you shouldn’t be surprised that they are sold out.
Me: These tickets aren’t on sale to the public yet, so why wouldn’t I think there might be some left?
silence…
Me: Good thing I am taking that survey at the end of this call.
For the past few months something weird has been going on with the electricity in the front of our house. The breaker would flip off, we would flip it back on, it would stay put for a few minutes, and then it would flip off again — sometimes with a spark coming from one of the electrical sockets. Dan and I know nothing about electricity, so we started living without a front porch light, stairway light and any electricity at all on one side of my office. (And yes, the spark should have prompted us to call someone immediately, but we aren’t scared!)
Finally, a friend (who also happens to be an electrician) came by to check it out. Thankfully (because I don’t enjoy looking totally stupid), he was also stumped and started to do some investigating. He figured out that the problem was starting with the small night lights installed on the stairway.
He took off the cover and this is what he found …
Thanks right, folks. Someone was using the night light as a PIGGY BANK. WTF, Firestarter … I mean, Anabella? Sure, throw some coins into an electrical outlet. I’m sure that won’t be a problem.
The yellow arrows are pointing to the places where two of the coins had almost fused together from the sparks/fire/whatever was going on each time we tried to turn the breaker back on.
Between the poop and the cussing and now the electricity stunt, Anabella is going to make me old and gray long before my 40th birthday.
— The B.S. Cafe is now serving a big helping of Big Brother. I am watching you, Anabella!
It’s official. Anabella and I are in the bribery stage of our relationship.
Here are the girls’ Halloween photos. Anabella was “Shine.” Yes, I know you have no clue who Shine is … no one else did either … so I let her carry the Shine doll around with her as a reference tool. (Shine is a character on Wow Wow Wubbzy voiced by Beyonce.) She had a blast and definitely has a little rock star in her, so that is all that mattered.
