I guess this is the only way you can sell diamonds to all those idiot visitors. In between 9-1-1 calls, and flushing random stuff in the toilets, you can drive around and see variations of this billboard all over town.

Apparently Chihuahua + jewels = big sales.

Not that coming to Orlando was stupid, but apparently lots of stupid people visit. And because I found these signs in our condo to be, well, stupid, I think I might be too smart to be here.

First sign: Read the last paragraph.

That’s right. Don’t call 9-1-1 about your broken-down car or to report a litterbug. I wonder how many people did this? It must have been quite a few to warrant a sign!

Next…this sign is hanging in the bathroom.

Of course we have all seen similar signs in bathrooms everywhere, but look at the picture of the toilet. I have no idea how you could flush a CD, but it looks like someone tried…along with a box and what appears to be a computer mouse. And is that a floppy disk? (Do they even make those anymore? And can we just flush outdated technology?)

So, I don’t know who has been visiting Orlando lately, but they are clearly a bunch of dumba**es!

That’s right. Can you believe? While Anabella watched this…

The hubby and I were mesmerized by this…

I’m all for feeling young and hip (see post from Monday), but can’t you leave the ass-crack jeans at home for Sesame Street?

And while her first love is Elmo, she discovered she has a little thing for Big Bird too. She kept a death grip on her new BB doll for the entire two hours as well.

Scarlett, however, was completely unimpressed!

A. When you go out on both Friday and Saturday nights, and you can still feel the effects on Monday evening. That’s right. I partied like a rock star this past weekend. Not sure I will ever do that again, but it was fun to feel young-ish again. Did I mention that I didn’t get home until 3:00 a.m.? That seemed like no big deal…until the baby woke up at 7:00 ready to nurse and start the day. (I would like to think the issue is having two little kids, not my age, but who knows.)

So everyone wish KB a very Happy Belated Birthday. Here she is with her “Pimp Cup” at our last stop on Saturday evening.

Look at the goodies we won last night at my friend Kathy’s Superbowl party! The Zima koozie alone will be worth big bucks someday.

We also won a “Hug a Beaver” bumper sticker, but Anabella claimed it for her Cozy Coupe. Maybe it should be changed to “Hug a Nutria” since we don’t have many, if any, beavers around here.

If only I had a little more time on my hands! Barnes & Noble had some great suggestions for hobbies and crafts. But between the husband, two kids, two dogs, two cats, household stuff, working part time, and now, acting as the surrogate mother of the crazy babysitter (hear more about this later in the week), I just don’t have the energy to make Stupid Sock Creatures…

There are three extra glasses if anyone wants to join me. Now we just need a name for our new “hobby” club…

That’s how it sounded coming out of my 2-1/2 year old’s mouth this morning. The original version, from me, was “f*cking idiot!”

My daughter is in that monkey-see-monkey-do stage, and I cannot seem to apply the filter to my mouth when I am in the car. If anyone has a suggestion, please feel free to share it. Because road rage just takes over and the words fly out without a second thought to who is listening in the back seat.

A few weeks ago, I was cut off in traffic and screamed “F*CK!”

From the backseat, Anabella yells: “F*CK!”

Me: “Shit!”

Anabella: “Chit!”

Me: “Crap! Stop it!”

Anabella: “Crap!”

Me (to guy who cut me off as we pass him by): “Thanks a lot.”

Anabella (waving and smiling at him): “THANK YOU!”

“Crap!”

That’s exactly what I said when the box from Nutrisystem appeared on the doorstep today. I was kind of hoping it would take a little longer to get here.

I guess that makes it official. I am on a diet. The party that has been my eat-a-thon for the past year ends tomorrow. Scarlett is four months old, so I can’t be all like “I just had a baby” anymore. Plus, my 20th high school reunion is this year, and I refuse to go as the fat girl. And it would be nice to wear some of my old clothes again. Maternity sweat pants are so last year.

So please send all your good thoughts my way. I need all the support I can get! And by posting this for all the world to see, I am hoping to make myself somewhat accountable. Feel free to taunt me by asking how much weight I have lost in the upcoming weeks/months. Maybe that will get me to quit the Mocha Frappaccinos (damn you, Starbuck’s)!